Showerthoughts (/c/Showerthoughts)
Every time you open a fridge, you're no longer alone.
The seasons don’t change speed, it’s just that there are more days between winter and spring/summer than there are between summer and autumn
Toilet paper used to be so expensive that it was a luxury item. It makes me wonder what everyday item we use today will be the next toilet paper in terms of its cost.
My cat sleeps 16-18 hours a day. She has a fixed income consisting of free food, shelter, and medical care. She hasn’t worked a day in her life and yet still manages to be this lazy
The majority of human beings that have ever lived would've been considered "disabled" by today's standards.
If I like to watch TV all day, but my friends call me lazy for it, does that make my friends the lazier one since they spend all day telling me I'm lazy for watching TV?
An honest-to-god gangsta in the 1930s would probably laugh at you for thinking you're tough for carrying a weapon that isn't even attached to you.
Telling a guy to "man up" is the same as telling a girl to "get back in the kitchen".
Facebook is truly a soulless website
Chambers is 100% becoming a sport, but it just needs a standardised set of rules.
Sometimes I think I'm an alien and my future self bestowed me upon my childhood self so that I can experience what it was like to grow up. I'm older now and keep thinking about this and my future self will forget about me because he's so busy. He'll forget about the alien that he placed on earth.
If nobody knew you during your most awkward years, they don't really know you yet.
"I'll die on this hill" is such a weird phrase
"More cow bell" wasn't a call to add more cowbell, it was a call for less autotune
I'll never see a new episode of a show about 8 friends in New York City
My son tried to climb the baby gate and it fell on him. Zen baby gate.
If you tell a guy to squeeze a lime into tequila salt he’ll look at you like you told him to mix ketchup and mayonnaise.
Being lactose intolerant is the only allergy where people will laugh at you and tell you it's not that bad.
Hans Hopeman.
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