Showerthoughts (/c/Showerthoughts)
If ants could talk they'd probably call humans ants too since ants call humans ants
If the earth is like a pregnancy, humans are the baby that is due any day now
As a kid, I would press my thumb into freshly painted walls and run my fingers along the painted sides of new jeans.
Your high school/college age cousin who has never learned to cook will probably eat fast food for the rest of their life.
If you ever feel useless, just remember that your body is producing billions of white blood cells every day to fight off infections that you can't even see. You're an army of warriors fighting a war for yourself. That's pretty damn awesome.
As a kid, I thought fire safety videos were just a normal thing.
You can't microwave metal because of the risk of it sparking and causing a fire, but metal kettles work just fine.
"Hey Siri" and "Ok google" are like having an abusive boyfriend who only cares about you when you say his name
I'm probably the most qualified dentist in the world to do surgery on a shark.
Special edition stuff is annoying
If a toddler lets go of the glass of milk and it falls, you don’t just say “oh, I better go clean this up, you entitled little shit! What do you mean you dropped it? You better damn well clean it up!”
They're not "seasonal employees" they're temporary workers who will soon lose their jobs, and probably be harassed for gifts or a lil extra money
My friend was going on a date, and I texted her “You better text me after 10, or I’ll send people looking for you.” She thought it was sweet. I didn’t mean it that way, I just didn’t want to miss the story.
Someone made a movie about a billionaire playboy with a magic watches and called it Fantastic Four. Someone else made a movie about a billionaire playboy with a magic watch and called it Deadpool. The difference? Recognition.
A zombie apocalypse will literally be the best thing that can happen to the environment
I love my job. I love my boyfriend. I love my dog. I love my apartment. But I’m still depressed and now I feel stupid.
If there is a thirteenth floor in a building, it's probably missing its 11th and 12th floor.
Oscar the Grouch lives in a NYC trash can and is already a grouch, so we don't know what living in a trash can REALLY does to someone.
A lot of twitch streamers are called guys even thought they are girls
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