I stole from a restaurant because I was convinced I already paid. AndI lied to get away with it.

This is the most horrible thing I did in my life. I have recently convinced myself that this is my fault after a few years of blaming others. I even cried about this for the past few days. I live in a shithole country and I barely make ends meet here, but that doesn't even begin to justify what I did. Let me tell you what I did.<br><br>When I still lived there, I was very convinced I had already paid and that my money was stolen. And I have no idea why I thought that. I was sure I had paid. It was the end of the month and I barely had any money on me. But I was convinced I had given them my money, and they told me I didn't. I denied it, and I demanded to see the cameras, to make sure they're not swindling me. And I told them I would post online and make sure they get in trouble.<br><br>One of the owners, an elderly woman, asked me to come into the back room to see the footage, and then she was going to call the police to file a report. Once I was in the back room, another employee was there, and she spoke to me in a different language, a dialect, and got me to admit that I didn't actually have any money on me. Then I got ashamed and came clean. The elderly woman came into the room and scolded me, then wanted to call the police. But then she started speaking to me in our dialect too and I started crying, not out of guilt, but because I was so ashamed, and she let me go.<br><br>I can't believe how I convinced myself it wasn't my fault. I thought they were trying to swindle me. I thought I already paid them, even though I had no money on me. I convinced myself it wasn't my fault, but it 100% was my fault. And I was so convinced of my lie that I made them believe it. I was so stupid. I was convinced, and I even made them doubt themselves, and then I made them feel bad for me, an idiot, who lied and was too ashamed to come clean.<br><br>I even thought of hiring a lawyer to sue them for calling me a liar and a thief. I was so deluded, and I'm ashamed.<br><br>Then after that, I kept getting this feeling that I had already done things that I haven't done yet, and that feeling haunted me everywhere. I convinced myself I had already paid for so many things after that, and I had gotten to the point where I thought I had already done things I haven't done yet. It was such a fucked up feeling. I got so confused and I even thought I had already gone grocery shopping for the week even though I made a mental note that I haven't gone yet. I've convinced myself I already did so many things that I haven't done yet. And all of that was because of this stupid feeling of familiarity that I can't explain.<br><br>I feel so ashamed. I wanted to post my confession for so long but I was too proud. I'm sorry, and I won't ever do this again. I'll die of shame before I do.