I secretly thought of my friend’s wife when I fucked my wife.

My best friend (bf) got married before I did, and I was best man at his wedding. The maid of honour at the wedding was one of my closest friends from childhood (A), and also the person I had my first kiss with. After we finished high school, we went in separate directions and both found other partners. She was very close with my bf’s wife (r) and was an obvious choice for maid of honour. I hadn’t seen her in a few years and it was my first time meeting up with her since high school. <br><br>She looked more beautiful than I had ever seen her. I am sorry to say I didn’t even notice the bride on the wedding - she was very pretty as well, but A just stole the show. I was happily married, and I loved my wife more than anything. I knew nothing would ever happen between me and A again, but she really got under my skin. <br><br>On the night after the wedding, there were several afterparties. Most went to the bride and groom’s, but a lot of my bf’s old friends went for a lower key drink at a nearby bar. A was amongst them, and we had a long talk about old times and the first days of romance between us. We went home a little toasted, and the next day my wife (w) told me she needed a little break from me. I didn’t really understand what she meant, but she said I’d understand later. We had sex the next night, and for a while afterwards she kept her eyes closed during. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me she was imagining her ex-fiancée. She said it was nothing to worry about, and I just needed to give her time. That was the case, and after a while she went back to normal. <br><br>A year or so after that, my bf and R came to visit us. R was very clingy, and didn’t let my bf out of her sight the entire weekend. It was a bit awkward, and I asked him if everything was ok. His answer was basically what my wife had said; she just needed time, and he just needed to be patient with her and give her space. The weekend went by, and they left. <br><br>A few weeks later, R told my wife that she was in love with one of her old friends. She was heartbroken and told my wife that she couldn’t imagine being in a relationship with anybody else. A few more weeks went by, and my wife told me R had broken up with bf and was going back to her hometown. We were both devastated for bf, and I told him to take all the time he needed. It didn’t take him long to get back to his normal self, and after a while he started seeing other girls. I was happy to see he’d moved on. <br><br>Years went by without me hearing anything about R, and I’d almost forgotten about her. Then one day she contacted my bf again, apologising for how she’d treated him and saying she wanted him back. He obviously didn’t want anything to do with her, but she kept trying. She told him how good it had been between them in the bedroom, and she knew they would never be able to find anybody else like each other. She went to his workplace to beg him to give her another chance. I was really proud that he stood firm and told her to leave him alone. <br><br>The whole process went on for years, and she kept coming back to haunt him. One day I got a message from her, asking me to tell bf she’d changed and appealing to me to give her another chance. I ignored her, but she kept sending me more messages. Eventually I decided to tell her in no uncertain terms to fuck off. I told her she’d hurt my friend, and I’d never forgive her. She answered by apologising to me, and saying she hoped I would. I think about it now and realise how weird it was that she didn’t ask me to forgive *her*. I also used to notice her staring at me at parties and get-togethers before they broke up. I don’t know what to make of it now. <br><br>This whole ordeal happened a few years ago. R’s still single, and my bf has since met a new girl. A few weeks ago, we all got invitations to their wedding. I didn’t want to go, but my wife was. She told me R had changed and was very friendly. I said I’d still never trust her again. When we got to the wedding, my wife had a migraine and was feeling sick. She went home, and I stayed. I was sitting at a table and out of nowhere, R was sitting next to me. We talked, and I have to admit she seemed very nice. We talked about old times, and eventually the topic got to sex. Now, this may seem weird, but I think she had to work her way there. <br><br>I tried my hardest to steer the conversation away, but she kept bringing it up. I asked her if she’d ever thought of other people while being intimate, and she answered yes. I don’t know what came over me, but I said I’d done the same. I think a part of me deep down wanted her to know, and she asked who I had thought of. I said the only person I’d ever thought of that way was A, but she didn’t count. Then she came closer to me, almost as if she was kissing me, and quietly asked “what if it was me?”. <br><br>For some reason I didn’t say anything, and we both just sat there. Then she excused herself to go to the bathroom. I still have no idea why, but I followed her. At that point I knew what was going to happen, and it felt like my body was acting on its own accord. She took my hand, and before I knew it my hand was halfway down her pants. It started in the bathroom, but we didn’t finish it there. <br><br>We went to her car and fucked. She was adventurous, but I never would have guessed the things she wanted in the bedroom. It was rough, she wanted me to hit her, choke her, bite her and several other things. I did all of it, and it was the hottest thing I’d ever done. I was rough, and she asked for more. She came multiple times, and afterwards she said it was the kinkiest she’d ever been with anybody. She told me she had thought about doing all those things with my bf, but when she broke down and told him he said he wasn’t into it. She said she didn’t enjoy normal vanilla sex anymore, and living a lie with him had been killing her. <br><br>Then she told me it had been the hottest sex she’d ever had, and she’d never enjoyed anything more. Then she told me that when she was with my bf, she’d imagine it was me on top of her. I felt like I’d been punched in the gut, and it really hit me what I’d done. I’d fucked my friend’s ex-girlfriend, and she’d thought of me the entire time she was with him. I felt sick to my stomach. I told her I had to go, and I didn’t want to ever see her again. She said she understood, and apologised. Before I left she told me that the only time she’d thought of another man while having sex was when she was with my bf, and when she fucked me she imagined it was him. I don’t know how to make sense of it all, I just know I never want to see her again. <br><br>Now I can’t get what she told me out of my head, and the part about imagining my bf really bothers me. I don’t know how to process it, and I’ve got so many weird feelings. I feel guilty, but I also feel wanted in a way. It’s the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard, and I don’t know why I should care so much. I don’t want to see her again, but her words stay with me.