I probably shouldn't have come to ride along with my husband while he's on the clock.

My husband is a sheriff's deputy in a southern state. I met him in medical school. He was in one of my classes. <br><br>About 2 weeks ago I asked if I could ride along with him. He was hesitant but also thought it'd be a bit of a turn on. He's always told me he was attracted to me because I'm a "bad girl" in that I'm a healthcare worker and I'm also an anti vaxxer, and an anti human, and in general a pretty rebellious spirit. We met in med school, I ended up dropping out in my first year because I really didn't want to be a doctor. I was sad about what I saw. I think healthcare is severely lacking on this planet, and I'm no hero anyway so I couldn't help anyone. Some people are just born to be bad, and I accept that about myself. <br><br>Anyway, we rode around in his police cruiser. I wore a badge he gave me. A fake one, but he said it was for "protection". We didn't have to respond to any calls, he was working out in the woods that night. We had sex in the back of his car, laying down in the cage. We took some klonopin. I took off my pants, he had me ride his lap, my bare ass touching the cold metal of the cruiser. He probably thought I was being a bad girl. He likes that. He held my hips and rocked me back and forth, penetetating me hard while I moaned. I was a bad girl, riding his lap in the back of his cruiser. <br><br>We rode around for a few more hours after that. We went to a waffle house and ate waffles. We talked about how he wanted to break up with me. He said we weren't a good match. He wants to be a "good person" and I'm a "bad person". I agreed with him. I think I feel the same way, but I just can't leave him. I'm obsessed with him. I love him. <br><br>We drove back to the station, he dropped me off at my car. We had sex in my car before he went back on duty. <br><br>I think about that every day. I want him. I love him. But I'm so angry at him. I'm obsessed with him. I don't know how to stop loving him.