I lied to my wife about my past and now she doesn’t believe anything I say.

Throwaway account here. I (M32) met my wife (F32) 10 years ago. We clicked, we fell in love, we got married. And I lied to her. <br><br>When I was younger, I was a bit of a troublemaker, I did some shoplifting, I used to get in fights, I drank and did drugs. I got in trouble with the law a few times. I was going to tell my wife about it, I was going to be upfront and honest about who I used to be, but she beat me to it. One of the first conversations we ever had, she told me about her shoplifting and how she went to jail, about the drug abuse and the bad relationships and the poor decisions. <br><br>And I didn’t want to look like I was trying to one up her or compete with her in some way. We were just getting to know each other, and I really liked her, I was excited about her, I could tell that this might be something special. I didn’t want her to feel like we were competing with each other to see who had the worst life or the worst choices or the worst addictions. I wanted to be strong for her. I didn’t want to bring her down. I didn’t want to make her feel like I was trying to change her. I wanted her to feel comfortable around me, I wanted her to feel like I was someone she could talk to, someone she could trust, someone she could rely on. And so I lied to her. I told her I had a perfect childhood, I told her I never got in trouble in school, I never did drugs, I never drank, I never smoked. I told her I was a virgin until I was 18, I told her I waited because I believed in saving myself for the right person. I lied to her and I made her feel like she was the only one who had problems, like she was the only one who was trying to make better choices, like she was the only one who had been through trauma. And she believed me, completely and utterly, 100%. <br><br>I feel like such a coward and I feel like I failed her and I feel like I’m a bad husband and I feel like such a piece of shit. And it wouldn’t even be so bad if I had just kept it inside and never told her the truth. But I told her. Two years ago. After we got married. And she’s never trusted me since. We’ve been together for 10 years and she’s never trusted me, and I know it’s all my fault. I lied to her and now she doesn’t believe anything I say. <br><br>She says it hurt her that I lied to her, even if it was to protect her. She says it hurt her feelings that I made her feel like she was the only one who had problems. She says that she wanted to feel like she wasn’t alone, she wanted to feel like we could commiserate together, she wanted to feel like I understood her. She says she can’t trust me now because she doesn’t know what’s true and what’s not. She says she’s grateful that I told her the truth, but now she doesn’t know when I’m being honest and when I’m being dishonest. She says it’s like living with a stranger, someone I love and care about but don’t really know. <br><br>And I don’t know how to make it right. I feel like I’ve failed her and I don’t know how to fix it. I just want my wife to trust me again. I just want my marriage to go back to what it was, back when we were happy and in love and deliriously content. I just want my wife to look at me the same way again, like she used to, like she loved me, like she trusted me, like she believed in me.