I killed a kitten.

I don’t even know why I’m writing this. It won’t help in any way. I just need to get this off my chest. I feel so fucking terrible.<br><br>When I was about 14, I was hiding in my room all the time. I was going through a really rough period in my life. My parents had just divorced and my dad left. I was depressed, and my mom paid me little to no attention. I was alone all the time with nobody to talk to. I was cutting and smoking weed constantly. I had no friends. I was alone. <br><br>One day, I decided to smoke some weed in my room. I had rolled a blunt, and I lit it up. Nobody was home, so I didn’t care if my parents caught the smell, I would just deny it. I was smoking that blunt when I got really paranoid for some reason. I heard this meowing outside my window. I looked and there was a full grown cat walking on the wall, heading to my window. It meowed at me, and I kinda got freaked out. It jumped into my room through the window. I didn’t expect it to jump inside. I stood up, and before I could do anything, the cat ran under my bed and started making these weird noises. I was so fucking high and I was really freaked out. I knew there was a BB gun under my bed (which I used to kill the neighbors annoying dogs with) so I grabbed it and shot into the darkness. I shot and shot until i finally heard the cat scream. I came out from under the bed and the cat had left a puddle of blood. It was still alive. I knew it wasn’t going to make it. It was bleeding everywhere, and it’s eyeball was half blown out. It was still breathing and twitching. I grab a pillow and smothered it. I killed it. <br><br>I looked under my bed and there were 4 little kittens. They were covered in blood. One of them was dead, but I’m pretty sure it got shot too. I don’t know what the fuck to do. I grab the mother cat and the kittens and put them in a plastic bag and threw them in the trash can outside. One of the kitten was actually alive, and I could hear its meows from the trash can. It was so fucking cold outside and the little kitten was covered in its mothers blood. I left it to die.<br><br>I never told anybody this, but I told my girlfriend about this like a year ago and she just looked at me weird and said it’s not my fault. I feel so fucking terrible. I’m 22 now, but I never forgot about what I did. I always thought about it. I hope that fucking kitten died sooner than later because I’m a fucking monster for leaving it to freeze.