I am not the total piece of shit this woman is making me out to be

I was out on my weekly date with my girlfriend of two years last night, and I don't even know why I said it, I was just so frustrated. I was trying to get across the absolute infuriating audacity of this woman, but I felt like she wasn't properly articulating it, so I figured I'd put it in my own words. Big mistake. <br><br>"I am not the total piece of shit you are making me out to be!" I shouted, and instantly regretted it. My girlfriend wasn't particularly annoyed, she mostly just looked worried, but the woman at the table next to us stood up and turned around. <br><br>"I know you are. And I'm going to make sure everyone knows how big of a piece of shit you are," she said. I felt a cold bead of sweat trickle down my forehead as she came closer and put her hand on my shoulder. I was paralyzed with fear as she reached into her purse and slid a piece of paper to me. <br><br>"I'm going to go get some fresh air. Don't do anything with that until I get back," I heard my girlfriend say, but I wasn't really paying attention. I was too focused on the piece of paper. <br><br>"Don't do anything with that until I get back," it read. <br><br>The woman walked out of the restaurant and I felt my girlfriend grab the paper out of my hand. I heard her gasp and turned to see her eyes wide with horror. <br><br>"What... what is this?" she asked, handing me back the paper. I glanced at it, and my blood ran cold. It was a list of everything I had ever done wrong in my life, in chronological order. The very last bullet point was the sentence I had said out loud at the table just minutes before. My hands began to shake as I read through the list in horror. Stealing cookies from the cookie jar. Pulling my sister's hair. Making fun of that one kid in middle school. Telling my mom to fuck off. Every bad thing I had ever done, written down on that piece of paper. <br><br>I was in full on panic mode as my girlfriend got up to go outside and find the woman. I just sat there, frozen, hands still shaking, as she walked out the door. I didn't notice when she came back in. <br><br>"You ok? You look pale," she said. I looked up to see the woman standing next to her, a soft smile on her face. <br><br>"I... no. I don't know who you are or how you got that information, but it was just a joke," I said, desperately. She chuckled. <br><br>"I know you're not a total piece of shit. I'm just going to make sure everyone knows how big of a piece of shit you are." I asked her what she meant, but she just waved her hand and said, "You'll find out soon enough." Then she turned around and walked out of the restaurant again. <br><br>My girlfriend sat back down and I asked her what the woman had said outside, but she just shook her head. <br><br>"I have to go to the bathroom. Order me another drink and I'll be right back." <br><br>I watched her walk off before turning back to the table the woman was at. She had left her purse behind, and it was sitting open, with some papers hanging out. I felt bad but I couldn't help myself. I walked over and looked in her purse. <br><br>It was full of pieces of paper, but the papers didn't have writing on them. I picked one out at random and read the name written at the top, "Samantha." I had no idea who that was. I didn't know if it was the woman's name or if it was the name of someone else entirely. But as I flipped through the rest of the papers, I realized they were all like that. Just names, followed by lists. <br><br>I didn't get a chance to read through any of them because a few seconds later I felt a hand on my shoulder. <br><br>"I see you're not as big of a piece of shit as I thought," the woman said, and I felt a wave of relief wash over me. "But I'm still going to have to take you in." I turned around to see her with a police badge around her neck. <br><br>"What? Why? Am I under arrest?" I asked, flustered, but she just smiled and said, "Not yet." <br><br>"I am not the total piece of shit this woman is making me out to be," she said, and walked away.