I stole thousands of dollars from my church

I used to attend a church that taught that people who have faith will be healed for any sickness. I was not one of them. I had a medical condition that caused my bladder to empty at a much quicker rate than normal. When I get sick, it gets much worse. This was a constant issue in my life and so I always carried around a water bottle and avoided drinks with caffeine.<br><br>One day I was approached by one of the pastors at the church. We had never met before, but he said he had been praying about a word to share with one of the members of the church and felt that God had told him to find me and share it. The pastor told me that he had a vision of me in heaven, floating in a river. He said that in the vision, he asked Jesus, "Who is that?" And Jesus said, "That person is a member of your church and has an issue with their bladder. Tell them I have healed them."<br><br>I was so happy. I thought that all my issues were gone and I didn't have to worry about it anymore. <br><br>It didn't work. I was still sick. And so I went to the pastor and told him, "You said I was healed, but I still feel sick." He told me that I just needed to have more faith. He said, "You need to stop thinking that you're sick, and start thinking that you're healed." I said, "Okay." But my issue didn't go away.<br><br>But the pastor was so nice. He took an interest in me and was my friend. And so I kept going to the church, even though my bladder was still an issue. <br><br>Then I got invited to go on a trip to Hawaii with the pastor and a few other people. There was going to be another church service, and I got to go perform with the worship team. <br><br>I had always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I never thought I'd have the chance. And now this opportunity had come up. But the tickets and hotel were expensive. How was I going to pay for it? <br><br>I manage the finances at my church. And one day I had an idea. I could just take money from the church account, use it to pay for the trip, and then when I get back, I can put it all back.<br><br>So I did it. I went to Hawaii with the worship team, and even got to go surfing. And when I got back, I paid back the money. <br><br>But then I got invited to go on another trip. This time it was with a different pastor. There was going to be a conference in Chicago and a bunch of people were going. I decided to go, and I knew I didn't have the money. So I took it from the church again. <br><br>I went to the conference and we had a great time. But one of the speakers at the event shared a word with me again. He said, "I have a word for someone here. I don't know who it is, but I saw a picture of you, praying in your bedroom, asking for healing for your bladder. And I saw Jesus walk up to you, put his hand on your bladder, and say 'Be healed'."<br><br>I was so confused. I already thought I was healed. I thought maybe this was a confirmation of that. But when I got home from the conference, I still had issues. And so I went back to the church in confusion and asked, "Why does this keep happening? Why do I keep getting these words and I don't feel healed?"<br><br>And the pastor just told me I need to have more faith. That I need to stop being bitter and just trust that I am healed.<br><br>But I wasn't healed. So I stopped going to that church. I was upset and felt like I had been lied to. <br><br>But then I met a new pastor at a different church. He was so nice and took an interest in me. And he let me play music with the worship team. <br><br>But then he told me about a trip to Las Vegas. He said he wanted me to come with him to a worship conference. But I didn't have the money. <br><br>So I took it again. This time it was more than before. I took $5,000 from the church account and used it to pay for the conference in Vegas. <br><br>I felt so bad. I knew it was wrong and I was sinning. But I couldn't help myself. I had already done it twice before and gotten away with it, so I figured I could do it again. <br><br>We had so much fun in Vegas. I even got to perform music on the stage in front of a crowd of hundreds of people. <br><br>But I couldn't stop thinking about the money I took. I felt so bad every time I thought about it. And I couldn't stop thinking about it.<br><br>And then I started getting paranoid. I thought that the IRS was going to audit me and find out that I had taken the money. I thought that maybe the money I stole was going to be reported missing and they were going to figure out that I stole it. I didn't know what to do and I felt trapped.<br><br>And so I put the money back again. <br><br>But I couldn't stop thinking about it. I couldn't stop worrying that I was going to get caught. <br><br>So I finally confessed. I went to the church and told them that I had stolen thousands of dollars from them. They were shocked and upset. They said I couldn't manage the finances anymore. And they told me not to come back to the church.<br><br>I am so ashamed. I wish I could go back in time and undo this. I feel like I've let everyone down and I don't know what to do.