I stole a book to kill myself

when i was 14 years old, i went to the bookstore and stole a book about how to kill yourself painlessly, and spent hours researching it in secret. i never mentioned it to anyone, but my grandpa who i was staying w/ at the time noticed it and talked w/ my parents and they took me to a therapist. <br>i’ve been doing the best i could to not let thoughts of suicide show up again but now that i’m freshly 18, i’m in my first year of college and it’s been getting worse. i’ve been “researching” different methods and i don’t know anyone to open up to about it. i feel like i’m letting so many people down- my parents worked so hard to help me through high school and i feel guilty for letting them know how much i’m struggling now.<br><br>edit: i am asking my parents for help. they told me they aren’t mad and they’re going to help me find resources. i didn’t expect this post to blow up like it did. if you’re feeling how i’m feeling, PLEASE reach out to someone you trust. i can’t even begin to describe the amount of comments i got with people opening up to me and i’m just one person on chambers who doesn’t have the training or expertise to be of any real help. i reached out to my mom and dad, and it’s made all the difference. i’m really sorry to everyone who felt like they could trust me enough to open up. please just reach out to someone you trust. <br><br>also, PLEASE STOP messaging me. it’s getting to the point where i’m getting too many messages and i’m feeling so fucking guilty. i’m sorry. <br><br>also also, PLEASE reach out to your local crisis hotline. that’s what i’m going to do. i haven’t gotten around to it yet, but i’m going to do it after i get all this stuff sorted out. i have an emergency appointment with my therapist this afternoon and i’m going to talk to her about what’s going on. i’ve reached out to my family and i’m getting help. just please, if you’re feeling suicidal, just ask someone for help. it doesn’t matter who it is. it can be a classmate you don’t know very well, or your coworker- anyone. i didn’t expect this reaction and i’m sorry.