I disappeared from my husband’s church wedding

(Using a throwaway account here for obvious reasons)<br><br>I wasn’t sure if I should be posting here or not since what I did might offend some religious people but I’m going to go for it. <br><br>I’m 26 F. I met my husband when I was 19 and we’ve been in a relationship since. I fall under the category of a “born-again Christian” (I don’t like the label but this is the best way to describe my situation). I became a Christian in 2013 after growing up in an Atheist household. <br><br>I was married in the court to my husband in october 2018 and we planned on having a church ceremony in may 2019. <br><br>During the planning of our church ceremony, I was beginning to feel skeptical about the idea of our church wedding. I hated the idea of holy matrimony and god being involved in our marriage and began to realize that I didn’t believe in it anymore and neither did I want it. I tried talking to my husband (who is also a Christian) multiple times about postponing the wedding and instead he kept telling me that I was cold feet and that it was normal. I tried arguing that it had nothing to do with cold feet and that I just believe that religion has no place in marriage but he wouldn’t listen, he said that we would be divorcing after only one year of marriage if we didn’t have a church blessing. (He believe that only a marriage with a church blessing is truly a marriage). In the end I got fed up and decided to go ahead with the plans. I didn’t want to hurt him. <br><br>On the day of our church wedding, I was so overwhelmed, I hated the idea of my marriage being blessed and I was angry that he was forcing me into something I believe is wrong. I was so stressed and I had the worst anxiety and couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror. After getting my hair and makeup done for the church wedding, I wrote him a note explaining how I felt, apologized for any hurt that I may cause him and told him that I’m leaving the country. <br><br>I didn’t end up going to our church wedding and I am now abroad. It’s been 6 months since I left and I finally feel free and like I can finally live for myself.