I admitted I couldn't enjoy sex with my husband anymore and that I've been faking my orgasms for the past 4 years.

Throwaway account because I'm embarrassed and I don't want my followers to see this.<br><br>My husband and I have been together for about 8 years and due to a medical condition I have, I've been unable to feel pleasure and pain in my lower regions.<br>I've been able to find ways to get around that and I've also been seeing doctors to hopefully fix this issue soon.<br>In the meantime I've been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to hurt his feelings.<br>I've been faking my orgasms for the past 4 years and whenever he asked me about it, I would just tell him I was okay and enjoy meeting his needs more than mine.<br>He's tried to help me, but unfortunately it's just not possible, and we've been meeting in the middle, by having me go down on him after we've had sex and I've "finished".<br>I know, I know, it's frowned upon and I've been carrying this shame by myself for a while and last night I finally told him the truth.<br>This was after we've had sex again, and I told him during sex and after that he stopped, and when he finally started again, he was being very rough.<br>I asked him to stop and that he was hurting me.<br>He did, and after that he didn't say anything else.<br>He went to sleep and I tried to, but all I could think about was how I screwed up.<br>This morning he left for work and he didn't even look at me, I tried to tell him hi, but he just ignored me.<br>Now I feel hurt and I don't know what to do, I'm thinking about calling my mom, my grandmother, or even my best friend to talk to them about this, but I'm just so embarrassed.<br>I've been crying here by myself, while trying not to wake up my children and telling them anything.<br>I don't even know why I posted this, maybe as a way to vent.<br>I just hope he forgives me.<br>Tldr: told my husband I've been faking my orgasms and now he's acting cold towards me.<br>Edit: I'm overwhelmed by all the comments and messages I'm getting, I'll try to answer as many as I can.<br>First of all, I want to mention that I've never told him to stop trying, and when he's tried other things, I've explained that I just can't feel anything and that it's not his fault.<br>I didn't order him to only do what I wanted, and meeting in the middle was an idea he came up with.<br>He's also the one that initiated oral, but I did agree to it, because I now I can't feel anything, but I also knew he enjoyed it.<br>I felt I was doing him a favor and I thought that by doing what he wanted I was meeting him in the middle.<br><br>I admit, after re-reading my original post, I realize now that I did come off as self-centered and self-absorbed.<br>My intention was never to blame him, I just wanted to vent, and I didn't think my words would came out like that.<br><br>I also want to add that I've tried talking to him about this, many times, but he's always dismissed me and said that he was okay that I was faking and that meeting in the middle was okay.<br>I also want to add that during sex, we would go back and forth, alternating between him meeting his needs and me meeting mine, and after meeting mine, meeting his again.<br>It wasn't as meeting in the middle as I made it out to be.