I never understood why my mom never let me go onto the balcony of our flat. Then, one night, I woke up and heard her talking to my brother.

My brother had died the day he was born. And yet, my mother was talking to him out on the balcony. She was telling him how much she missed him. She was explaining how hard it was to stop cutting herself and how much she wanted to join him in heaven. She told him how hard it was to cope with the loss of her dear child. She was telling him how much she loved him.<br><br>I called out for her and she came back in. She asked me how I was feeling, and I told her I was fine but a little confused about what she was doing. She told me that I was hallucinating. She also told me she never had a son.<br><br>I called my dad into the room and he backed up everything she had said. They told me that I did not have a brother. Why then did I hear her talking to him?<br><br>For a week, I could not sleep properly and I stopped eating. The tiredness was killing me and I knew I had to get some sleep. I decided to do so and before I did, I asked my parents if they could wake me up if I started screaming in the night. They said of course they would.<br><br>I fell to sleep and, after a few days, I started sleeping properly and stopped shaking and being generally paranoid. I was proud of myself for coping.<br><br>It was a few more weeks later that I woke up screaming. My mother came into my room. “What is wrong?” she said. I said it was okay, I was fine now. I said I was sorry and I would go back to sleep.<br><br>My mother turned to walk away and I noticed she had something in her arms. I asked her what it was. She stopped and turned around.<br><br>She was holding a baby. “This is your brother.” she said.