My husband and I have been married for 4 years. We've never used protection. I'm never allowed to use protection.

We got married in the summer of 2024, and the first few months of our marriage were wonderful. I had everything I needed, and being a housewife is honestly a lot easier than working, especially when you're the wife of a wealthy man like mine. <br><br>My husband is very good to me. He buys me whatever I want. The only thing that he really enforces is that we never use protection. I was honestly a little hesitant at first. He insisted, and I gave in, and so did my parents. I didn't think it was a big deal, and I was so caught up in my fairy tale marriage. <br><br>Sometimes, I forget what it was like before we got married. I sometimes wish I could go back. <br><br>We consummated our marriage on our wedding night. I didn't expect it to hurt so much. It hurt so much. He promised he would be easier on me next time, but he never was. I was bleeding for a couple days after. I was crying the whole time; I didn't want to have sex with him, but he just took what he wanted over and over again. I was so tired and my body hurt. My vagina hurt for a week. After our wedding night, I was so tired and my body was so worn out. I felt like I was possessed by something evil. When we got back home, we consummated again and again and again. I remember just crying and screaming during the nights. He didn't listen; he would just rape me. <br><br>I got pregnant with our first child in January of 2025. I have no idea how we consummated so much. I was so tired, I was in pain, and yet I still managed to get pregnant. I was crying during the ultrasounds, and my husband was crying. He was so happy and excited to be a dad. <br><br>I gave birth to our child in October of the same year. It was agonizingly painful. It was the worst day of my life. My husband was happy, though, and our baby girl was healthy. My husband was so happy, and I was so tired. I don't think we consummated for another month. I remember being so tired and my husband being so happy. He loves our daughter. He loves her so much. I'm a little jealous. Sometimes I consider the horrible idea that he doesn't love me because I'm not pretty enough, I'm not skinny enough, I'm not fertile enough. I know it's not true, but sometimes I feel that way. <br><br>I got pregnant again in January of 2026. I gave birth in October of that year. It was equally as painful as the first time, and my husband cried. He cried because he was happy, and I cried because I was in pain. I honestly don't even remember the births of our children.