If I'm ever on my deathbed and I need to make a last-minute deal with God, I'm gonna charge the shit out of Him.

God: What do you want in return for your soul?<br><br>Me: Universal healthcare, free college, and world peace<br><br>God: Fine, you got it<br><br>Me: And a $500 million yacht<br><br>God: Okay, done<br><br>Me: And a Lamborghini for every kid in the world under eighteen<br><br>God: Okay<br><br>Me: And I want to be resurrected back onto the yacht where the Lamborghini Waiter will hand me a Martini (vodka) made with water from the fountain of youth<br><br>God: FINE! YOU COULD AT LEAST BUY ME A MARTINI<br><br>Edit: I think the God I made a deal with was actually my wife.