I lie to my children about my profession

I currently have 3 kids. The oldest two are both girls, my youngest is a boy and thankfully not my last child. I am 4 months pregnant with twins. I got them all through insemination and plan on stopping at 5.<br><br>I am terrified to tell my children I am gay and my children were conceived through a male that is not related to them. My oldest 2 kids are from my husband of 7 years. We got divorced 4 years ago and I have a relationship with him still that is not sexual, but close. He knows I had our girls through donors and not him. (he was supposed to not be able to conceive children but his sister has 3 kids with the same thing and they were a “miracle” as she puts it, so I decided to do what I had to do for my family and get donors)<br><br>My middle 2 kids are from one donor. My youngest is from a different donor and the twins are from a third donor. My husband knows about the middle 2 kids and youngest child. He does not know about the twins, but he does know they are not from their “dad”<br><br>I have 4 kids (so far) currently. My children are only 7, 5, 3 and 2 so they are my world and I can not imagine my life without them. They are so smart and empathetic. I did end up falling for their “dad” and when I was pregnant with my youngest I wanted to get married but when I proposed the idea he said he couldn’t tell his adult children he’s gay because he is an addict and did not want to be shamed. The adult children in question were my age and I had no idea how he could keep this from them, and did not want to end up like that. <br><br>I told them that I was happy with just being with them and didn’t care what other people thought of me. I also wanted to be able to tell my children I was gay and did not want to keep it a secret. He said he needed to focus on his recovery so I said fine, but I could never marry someone who put their children in a dark space emotionally. He only agreed with me because he knows I am not a monster and would never hurt his children but he wanted to say he had something to focus on.<br><br>Back to the confession. My children know their “dad” is not their bio dad, but his name is on my oldest 2 kids birth certificates and he is listed as their father. I tell them he was their uncle and he was unable to have kids himself with his wife so they asked to raise my kids and that is why I have custody of them and not him. My oldest (being 7) is starting to ask more questions about why he can’t be with my kids and if he raised them why my kids don’t call him dad. <br><br>I am scared to death to tell my kids the truth about him not being a blood relative. He is a great man to my kids and I do not want to make my children feel like they are not his and can not call him “dad.” I do not want him to tell his children he is not actually my kids father and for them to distance themselves from my children. <br><br>I made a monster mess and do not know what to do.