I killed the neighbor’s dog

I’m feeling very stressed psychologically and I don’t know what to do. I broke things off with my boyfriend 6 weeks ago, but I’m starting to feel like I made a huge mistake. I thought I’d feel better once I got used to it, but it keeps getting worse. I went to live with my mom in another city.<br><br>She has a big house with a fenced yard. Since I don’t have a car and she doesn’t want me to take her car to work, I can only work from home. I’m going a little crazy.<br><br>Mom has two small dogs, very well-behaved, quiet and cute. My girl cousin lives in the neighborhood and she also has a dog. She usually leaves it at my mom’s house because she works late and her husband is always traveling.<br><br>She has a small Poodle, and it’s also very well-behaved.<br><br>One day, my cousin came to my mom’s house while I was in the backyard with the dogs (all three of them). She was very agitated and told us that her husband brought home a stray dog he found on the street.<br><br>I was shocked. My cousin doesn’t like dogs and only has one because we have always been a family of dog lovers. I couldn’t believe her husband did that.<br><br>It’s a mixed-breed dog, very big, black and with a boxy head. Something like a Doberman mixed with another breed, but I don’t know for sure. It’s very strong and wiggly.<br><br>This dog is not well-behaved. It’s very aggressive, destructive and even dangerous. It is extremely fond of my cousin’s husband and always follows him around. But when he’s not around, it goes crazy.<br><br>It bites and destroys everything. It bit my cousin and hurt her badly. It destroyed the whole house. It bites the Poodle and the other dogs incessantly. It wants to play, but it doesn’t know how to play. It tries to hug them and bites them.<br><br>My cousin has tried to train it and hired a professional, but it didn’t work. This dog is not smart and has no understanding.<br><br>My cousin was at my mom’s house, upset and crying. She told us that she couldn’t take it anymore, that she wanted to take the dog to the kennel and she asked for our help to take it to the car.<br><br>The dog went crazy when it saw my cousin crying and it started barking and bothering us intensely. My mom and I were already very stressed out because of this dog.<br><br>My cousin tried to take it to the car, but in the process it ran into the backyard through the open door. When we went after it, it started running around in circles, as if it were possessed.<br><br>I don’t know what came over me. I lost control and started screaming and hitting the dog until it fell to the ground. My cousin and mom tried to stop me, but I wouldn’t listen. I went completely crazy and started kicking it.<br><br>The dog didn’t die right away. It was suffering terribly for several hours. My cousin took it to the vet and it didn’t survive.<br><br>She called the husband and told him what had happened. He didn’t say anything and hung up.<br><br>My cousin didn’t speak to me all week. I stayed locked in my room, crying and drinking. My mom tried to talk to me, but I didn’t answer.<br><br>My cousin came to my room and told me she was going back home and would never set foot in that house again because of what I did. She said I couldn’t live there anymore and that her husband didn’t want to see me again.<br><br>I stayed at my mom’s house alone for two weeks. After that, my boyfriend called me saying he wanted to talk to me and asked me to come home. I accepted and went home. We got back together.<br><br>My cousin hasn’t spoken to me in 5 months. I can’t stop thinking about what I did. I want to go crazy. I haven’t told my boyfriend what happened. He thinks I stayed at my mom’s house all the time.<br><br>Sometimes I think about killing myself. I don’t want to live anymore.<br><br>The other day, I had an argument with my boyfriend and he called me the devil. He said I’m mean and capable of anything.<br><br>I’m tormented by this.<br><br>What should I do? Should I tell my boyfriend the truth? I think he will leave me if I tell him.<br><br>I feel like my life is over.