I’m just mad that I was never ‘cool’

I’ve never been the cool child. I’ve never been the person who was the next trend. The person who everyone wanted to be. I have always been on the outside looking in. <br><br>Even when I was a kid I would try to fit in with people but I couldn’t. I was fat ugly and nerdy. I tried to be the cool kid but I could never be. I was always like the background character who no one paid attention to. I’ve always felt like I lived life on the outside looking in at other people. I always felt like I was living through a screen. Like life wasn’t really for me but I was just along for the ride. <br><br>Its not that I’m mad that I’m a virgin. I’m mad I’ve never been wanted. I’m mad that I’ve never been important. Even when I was younger it was always about my sister. Not me. I’m mad because I’ve always been on the outside looking in. I’ve always felt like life has never really been for me. Like I’ve always been an afterthought. I’m mad I’ve never had my moment. <br><br>I’m writing this in tears. I’m just so fucking mad and upset I’ve never been wanted. I’ve never been important. I’ve never been the cool kid. It’s not that I want to be the cool kid but I just want to know what it’s like to be wanted. To be loved. I just want to feel like being alive is for me and not just to watch other people get what I want. <br><br>I’ve always wanted to be better. I’ve always strived to be better but I’ve always been shit out by life and everyone else. Life has just been one rejection and failure after another. I’m tired of being treated like shit by everyone. I’m tired of being shit on and stepped on by everyone. I’m tired of not being treated as a person. I’m tired of being treated as an afterthought.