I can’t talk to anyone about my mental health except my therapist

I have my best friend that I’ve known for 19 years and he’s never opened up to me about anything personal. He has a very hard time being vulnerable and has alienated so many people because of it. When he was feeling suicidal he wouldn’t admit it to me. When he was using drugs he lied to me about it and I had to find out from our mutual friend. So many times he has been depressed and has not said a word to me. In fact he gaslighted me by acting as if i’m just insecure and paranoid when I have been worried about him.<br><br>I’ve been going through my own suicidal thoughts and I’m only comfortable talking to my therapist, because if I open up to my best friend I know that he will just close off and not acknowledge it, and it will make our friendship awkward. I will just come off as insecure and paranoid.<br><br>I feel like I don’t have anyone to talk to.