Does your writing make sense to you? Mine doesn't

This post is for those who also dream of baring their souls through their stories, and maybe, you know, get it published. I know I'm not the only one who's written a story without an outline and have it turn into something completely different. Also, baring one's soul is a bit deep, but I don't know anyone who's in the writing community who *doesn't* have a lot of baggage. I should also say I'm not an English major, just your average schmo who likes to write in his free time. I'm not even close to being a talented writer. I write because well, it's something to do, and I honestly love it. I've been to therapy for four years now, and I really thought writing a story would be a great way for me to show everyone what's going on in my head. I've been journaling for the last three years, and I was bored of that. Some of you might be thinking that maybe if I wrote my story in first person, it might do the trick for me. But the thing is, I believe my story is better in third person. I don't really know why. I don't know why my main character isn't a writer. She's a seamstress and hasn't been to therapy. She's also  not based on me. They don't have the same backstory, the same mental illness, or the same interests other than the fact that they both love sewing and performing. I guess you could say that's the same reason I don't write in my character's POV. Maybe it's a cop-out. I don't know. I just think it's better that way. You can ask me all your questions about my character, but the only one I won't answer is that. I've written a story that has maybe one thing in common with my own story and it's better that way. I like to write that way. I just hope that if I ever get my story published, that I'll be able to tell everyone why these themes are most important to me. The themes in my story are mental illness, poor communication, and performance. It's a historical fantasy novel, and I've been working on it for about two years. None of those themes happened to me at all. It just kind of...happened. I don't know why. I've been struggling with mental illness for most of my life, but the mental illnesses that my characters have are not the same as mine. I don't have a problem with communication, I've always been pretty straight to the point and not afraid to ask questions. And to top it all off, I'm not a performer. I was in choir in high school, but it wasn't for the love of singing or performing that I was in choir. I just thought it would be cool to be in a choir that got to sing Madame Butterfly and Peer Gynt and shit like that. I didn't even like singing that much. I just thought it sounded cool. My characters have none of these problems nor do they enjoy any of these things. I have no idea why this story is coming out the way that it is, but I don't want anyone to read my story and think that it's about me. I don't know why. Just the thought of it makes me feel sick. (Irony because my story is fantasy). I don't know why a lot of things do. I'm not a therapist, I'm not a psychologist, and I'm not a counselor. I'm just your run of the mill writer. <br><br>&#x200B;<br><br>I'm also not naive.  I know that there's a reason why I chose to have my characters have their struggles, and I know why I chose to write the story I did. I'm not a stupid person. I just feel a little confused. I guess I just want to see if anyone else feels like me. Maybe it's the way I write stories. None of my characters are based off me, and none of my stories have any themes that I see in my own life. I don't know if this is a good thing or not. I don't know why I write the way I do. I don't know why I had to write this story. I don't know why I chose the characters I did, and I don't know if my story will ever be published. But I know I'm going to write the shit out of it because it's what I'm best at. It's what I love most. I don't know shit about my own life, but what I do know is that I'm trying my damned hardest to live it.