i became a heroin addict at age 8

I stopped using about 20 years ago, but here are some things i learned about heroin addiction: <br> <br> <br>1. **I was addicted at 8 years old. I definitely didn't text my friends in middle school. I was a typical shy kid. I always had a few close friends. I played video games. I wasn't some drug abusing loser that made the wrong choice.** <br> <br>2. **It's too easy to get addicted.** I was a shy kid living in a small town, and never smoked a cigarette, even at that age. But my father (who is dead now) was a heroin addict. That's why I started smoking weed and drinking at age 7 - because he gave it to me. At 8 years old he made me smoke heroin because he thought it would be funny. I was a child, but I was instantly hooked. <br> <br>3. **It's too easy to get high.** **When I first turned 18 I went to a major city, and knew I would instantly find heroin dealers. I was already a heroin addict, and I didn't care that I was breaking the law.** **I got high multiple times a day, every day, for 4 years, without fail. I was even an arrest and jail time. I didn't care. I didn't know there were alternatives (like methadone).** **At one point, I didn't care enough to eat, or go to work. I was a little too smart to steal, because I knew I would get arrested. So I just sat in my bathroom, in the dark, injecting heroin, and went several days without eating or bathing.** **There was a point when I realized i'd rather be dead than high. I tried to quit with the help of a friend, and I made it 3 days, and not more.** **I later learned that 3 days is "the easy part". It was like someone had punched me in the balls, and i had stomach cramps. But it was painful, and i didn't last.** **I ended up moving to a different state, and had a friend who did meth. They let me try it, and I never touched heroin again. I wasn't trying to quit, I just liked the meth because I was high but I didn't feel drunk. I didn't feel sleepy. I was energetic.** <br> <br>4. **It's too hard to quit.** **I was able to quit heroin 15 years ago. But I'm still a drug addict. I've been smoking weed for the past 20 years. I drink every now and then. A year ago i tried cocaine. I was addicted by the 4th day. But I realized that was just another excuse for me to get high, so I quit. I went cold turkey. I had violent flashbacks, and I angry, and I didn't sleep for 5 nights, and I lost 10 pounds in a week. But I was determined to not be a drug addict.** **After 4 nights of no sleep, I started drinking. Alcohol was a different type of high, and it gave me the ability to sleep, and relax, and not be angry. When I texted my friends, and told them I was quitting cocaine, they said "yes, good job." But when I texted them, and said I was quitting drinking, they said "oh, no, that's not necessary. I like drinking."** **They were right. I didn't want to quit drinking. I just wanted to quit being a drug addict. But I learned that the "poison" is irrelevant. The problem is that I am a drug addict.** **I didn't want to be a drug addict, but I didn't want to quit drinking. It took me two months of being a sober person, to realize that I I didn't want to be a drunk. After 12 years of being sober, I sometimes crave weed and alcohol, but I don't get high. I've learned that I don't have to be a drunk, and I don't have to be a junkie.** **I can be both.** **lt's easy to get high, and it's hard to quit. But it's not impossible.** **I spent 12 years sober, and I worked in a substance abuse program.** **I got married, and years later I had a child.** **I got divorced, and my ex-wife wouldn't let me see my child.** **When I became a substance abuse counselor, I made more money, and she started letting me see my child.** **I'm a good father, and I'm a good person. But I'm still a drug addict.** **I've made the mistake of driving drunk, and I got a DWI. I felt guilty, and started drinking to combat the guilt. I had a second DWI. Which was the end of my career.** **I ended up working in retail, doing manual labor for a few years, and I realized I forgot what the outside world was like. I met a new girlfriend. I got a new job. I made new friends.** **I quit drinking, and now I get high sometimes.** **I kind of hate it, but I want it.** **I feel guilty for wanting it, so I text my friends and they say "what's the big deal?"** **They're right. I'm a drug addict. But I'm an addict by choice.** **I'm not a drug addict because of my environment or upbringing. I'm a drug addict, because I'm flawed.** **I'm not "broken", I just don't like to "black out."** **It's an excuse, but it's the truth.** **I don't like to wake up and realize I made a mistake. Or I woke up in handcuffs, and I have no idea how I got there.** **I don't like waking up and realizing I'm dead.** **That's why I don't do heroin. And I don't do cocaine. I drink, and I smoke weed, and I don't black out.** **I'm still not a good person. I'm a drug addict.** **I've made the mistake of driving drunk, and I got a DWI. I felt guilty, and started drinking to combat the guilt. I had a second DWI.** **There was a point when I realized I'd rather be dead than drunk. That realization was hard to get to. It was like someone had punched me in the balls, and I had stomach cramps. But it was painful, and I didn't last. I didn't get to the point of suicide (although I had thought about it). I got to the point of seeking treatment.** **I went to therapy, and I learned about "harm reduction". I realized I'm a drug addict. I've been a drug addict since age 8. I make bad choices. I need help. I need to see a therapist. So I stopped drinking, and I just smoked weed. I cut back on the drinking, and I sought professional help.** <br> <br>&#x200B; <br> <br> <br> <br>I realized I'm a drug addict. I'm a flawed person. I'm a piece of shit. I make mistakes. But I'm still a human being. **i don't have to be a drug addict. I don't have to be a flawed person. I don't have to be a piece of shit. I don't have to be a drunk.** **I just have to be a better person, and make better choices.** **Or maybe I don't. Maybe I should just keep drinking, and realize I'm a drug addict. Maybe I should just keep doing cocaine. Maybe I should just keep smoking weed.** **I I didn't have a child, or a job, or a friends. I would probably keep smoking weed, and maybe try some other drugs.** **I'm a drug addict, but I'm not a junkie. I'm still a human being.** **I'm flawed. I'm a piece of shit. I make mistakes. But at least I'm not a junkie.** **I don't like to wake up and realize I made a mistake. Or I woke up in handcuffs, and I have no idea how I got there.** **I don't like waking up and realizing I'm dead.** **That's why I don't do heroin. And I don't do cocaine. I drink, and I smoke weed, and I don't black out.** **I'm still a drug addict, but at least I'm not a junkie.** **I'm still a drug addict. And I'm ready to die.**