I've cheated on my husband and I'm thinking of leaving him.

This is my first time posting on a forum. I need to vent and don't know where else to do it. I've never felt so horrible in my life and I'm in desperate need of advice. <br><br>I've been happily married for 3 years. No fights, no problems. Everything has gone great and I couldn't have wished for anything better. Everything felt perfect. He makes me feel like a queen. He's always there for me. I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost him. I love him more than anything. <br><br>I have a friend, m19. We met at school. I went to university a year earlier than my peers which made me feel like a child next to everyone else. Someone who was younger than everyone else too made me feel a lot better and we became friendly. I never felt sexually attracted to him, just a platonic attraction. We've been friends for seven years. <br><br>He's recently told me that he's interested in me in a romantic capacity and is questioning whether he's gay or bi because of this. I was flattered and I was grateful that someone else would see me in that way. I trust him completely and did not expect myself to be remotely attracted to him, but as we started talking one day and he asked if I would ever date him if I was single I don't know what came over me. I said yes without thinking. I don't know why. <br><br>I don't know what came over me and I hate myself for it but we kissed. I don't even know why. I felt suddenly attracted to him but I still do not know why. For some reason I could not control myself and I kissed him. I told my husband I was going to the shop but really I was meeting him up at his house to talk. He asked if I was happy in my marriage and I said I was. But then somehow after all that talking one thing led to another and I kissed him. I don't know why, I can't explain it. I feel so ashamed and bad. I've never felt this depth of shame ever. I've never done anything this bad before.<br><br>I don't know if I should leave my husband. I don't know what to do and my life is crashing down before my eyes. I don't want to leave but part of me feels like I should. Should I leave him? I feel so ashamed and bad. Should I come clean? I'm going to throw my whole life away because of my mistake. I don't know if I can ever go back to the way things were. I feel my whole life crashing down. I don't know what to do and I'm so ashamed.<br><br>TLDR: I don't know if I should leave my husband after kissing my friend.<br><br>EDIT: Sorry for not responding to any comments or messages, I'm getting my head together and I'm going to tell my husband later tonight. I'll update once I do. <br><br><br><br>EDIT: so I told my husband. I told him I kissed him but I don't think he believes me. I told him I was at the shop and he said he saw my car driving in his friends street which is where my friend lives. I don't know what to do. He's crying but doesn't believe me when I say nothing else happened. Someone said it might be an idea to let him read this post and I thought it was a good idea. I'll do that now and come back tonight. <br><br><br><br>EDIT: so I showed him this post and he's now demanding I get a paternity test when/if I'm ever pregnant again because he won't trust me or the child. He also said that I could have been planning this for some time because I've been "smart" and has made me feel like I was brainwashed by some sort of controlling cult leader. He also said that I'm not the woman he married. I don't know what to do.