American Hat Company produces the most popular, sought-after, and technologically-advanced hats in the world. Every single one of them is possessed by a powerful demon.

American Hat Company was an incredible place to work for a variety of reasons. They were very generous with compensation, benefits, and PTO. They weren’t actively abusive in any way, so they had that going for them as well. But all they made were hats.<br><br>The most popular, sought after, and technologically-advanced hats in the world. From fashionable inlays and appliques to impossibly accurate temperature control, they had it all.<br><br>They also never, ever gave out samples.<br><br>I was a quality control specialist, and I had to test every single product that went out. My job was about 75% actually checking hats, and 25% signing my life away when exiting work every day.<br><br>That was our biggest rule: never, *ever* sign on for overtime. I had heard rumors about what happened if someone tried, and I was not about to test them.<br><br>But it was worth it, because of the discount. It was a 90% off coupon that could only be used once, and only used on a specific, custom-made item. It was a legendary perk that made the job a holy grail of holy grails.<br><br>That was why I had spent the last two years of my life working at American Hat Company. I had about three months left, and I was eager to use my coupon. I had thought about it constantly, and I think I might have finally nailed down my design.<br><br>I didn’t just want any hat; I wanted the greatest hat possible. A hat that would make everyone jealous. A hat that would make them all realize how worthless and sallow their own possessions were in comparison.<br><br>A hat that would change the world.<br><br>I had been thinking about it, and I really wanted the inlay to have some luster to it. Not too much – I didn’t want to blind anyone – but just a bit of shine to let people know that this was a fancy-ass hat. It didn’t have to be diamond-encrusted or anything, but I wanted to make sure that it had a little something extra.<br><br>I took out my notebook and drew a quick sketch, then sat it aside before focusing on today’s workload.<br><br>Over the next few hours, I tested dozens of hats. Hat after hat after hat passed through my workstation, with nary a hitch. It was a good day, and I was proud of my coworkers for doing such a great job making these awesome fucking head-coverings.<br><br>I was almost done when I reached the last hat of the day. It sat in its box, innocent-looking as it waited for my attention. It was a dark blue color with a purple stripe, and the inlay was simple but elegant. It depicted a small mountain range on one side, with a few trees scattered throughout.<br><br>I picked it up and placed it atop my head, adjusting it slightly as the smart fabric conformed to the size and shape of my skull.<br><br>Then, I heard the voice.<br><br>It was a very quiet voice – almost a whisper – and it was talking directly into my ear.<br><br>“I am a peaceful demon, tasked with the duty of governing this hat. By wearing it, you have accepted me into your life. I am roughly three thousand years old, and I am capable of granting you immense power at the cost of your immortal soul. This power can be anything you want, from immense magical abilities to outright reality warping.<br><br>“All I ask is that you do not use my power for evil. If you do, I will destroy you utterly, and then I will burn in hell for the rest of eternity. If you use my power for good, however, you will be rewarded with great things.”<br><br>I sat in stunned silence as the voice finished speaking.<br><br>Then, I remembered the rumors that I had heard about overtime.<br><br>I yanked the hat off my head and threw it back in its box, not bothering to test it as I pushed it down the conveyor belt towards the packing station.<br><br>“FUCK!” I yelled at the top of my lungs, and I was promptly escorted out of the building. I was given a cardboard box containing my things, and I was told that my services would no longer be needed.<br><br>As I sat in my car, fuming, I realized something incredibly important.<br><br>I was going to miss out on that coupon.<br><br>FUCK.