I got tired of waiting for a bf so I bought a dog

I'm not saying I bought the wrong puppy, but it bit me last night for playing too rough.<br><br>I'm not saying I'm wrong for not having a walking routine, but I was in so much pain last night I hobbled through the house, wincing and screeching in pain.<br><br>I'm not saying I'm not a good dog mom, but he was 8 weeks old yesterday and already has a crate and mattress spring rash.<br><br>I'm not saying he's possessed by the devil himself, but he will eat anything. A shoe, a wall, an extra large burrito, an asthma inhaler, a puffy jacket, and a three pack of underwear have all gone to Heaven because of his little jaws.<br><br>I'm not saying I'm irresponsible, but I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to name a puppy "watermelon" but that is his name nonetheless, and I only call him "doggy" when he's a good boy. <br><br>I'm not saying I'm a terrible cook, but I've never had a dog look at me like my cooking was a sacrificial offering. I am much like the mother who tried to share her last tortilla with the bear in the forest in the folktale you read with your 4th grade class. I cooked rice, chicken broth, carrots, peas, and a sweet potato. It was pungent. I gave it to him when it was ready and he walked away after a single bite.<br><br>I'm not saying I'm thinking about shopping for a different dog.<br><br>I'm not saying I am a dumbass, but I did get the attached tattoo a couple weeks ago.<br><br>That's my story. Thank you for reading and for looking at my (hastily and poorly) redacted dog. ??<br><br>Edit: Once the crate is potty trained I am getting it a towel bed. I know the crate is a crappy bed but I'm trying to train the dog right so it isn't digging through my dirty laundry.