Why Do I Feel Like My Parents Hate Me?

I’m a high schooler and this is a throwaway account because I would be humiliated if people know it was me.<br><br><br>My mom has four children, and I am the youngest. I’m a girl. I have two sisters and a brother. I will call them A, B, and C. A is the eldest, B is in the middle, and C is the second youngest.<br><br><br>I feel like I’m treated poorly compared to my siblings. I don’t know if this is true or not, but I feel like I’m walking on eggshells around my parents, and feel a deep sense of fear towards them, like I would never want to make them angry. My siblings don’t seem to feel the way I do. They seem relaxed around them, and never seem to have anything to worry about.<br><br><br>I live in a strict Asian household. I have to do a lot of chores and I have to maintain excellent grades, and sometimes I feel like I’m burning out and I would just like some appreciation, but they never compliment me or praise me, no matter how well I do. They just scold me when I fail.<br><br><br>My parents would usually compare me to my brother and say that I’m not as smart as him and will not amount to anything like him. I feel my parents don’t care about me because I’m not smart enough to get into a good university.<br><br><br>I remember once when I was stuck on a math problem, and I asked my mother for help, and she said she was too busy to help me, and when I asked her again, she blew up at me and said, “I told you I was fucking busy, what more do you want? Stop being stupid. Go ask your normal friends, and stop being embarrassing.”<br><br><br>My siblings seem to be treated differently. My sister A got into a good college, and they didn’t seem to care that much. But my brother C (my mom’s favorite) got into a good college, and my parents were incredibly proud of him, and were bragging about him to their friends for weeks.<br><br><br>My mom’s best friend’s daughter got into an Ivy League university, and my mother was working hard to try to get my siblings into a good college, and she said it would be embarrassing if we got into a subpar university. My brother C got into a subpar university, and my parents didn’t seem to mind. Not a single word of disappointment. My mother’s best friend’s daughter got into an Ivy, and my mom seemed proud of her, and told my siblings we should all look up to her. My mother made excuses for my brother when he failed, but she didn’t make excuses for me. But I don’t understand why she made excuses for him and not me.<br><br><br>I feel like I walk on eggshells around them all the time, and live in constant fear of what they would say or do if I make a mistake. I feel like I’m just an embarrassment to them. My siblings don’t seem to be afraid of them, but I am.<br><br><br>I feel like my siblings are the favored children. I feel like I should try harder to make them happy, but I don’t know how hard I have to try. Every time I mess up, I feel my heart beating. I am so afraid that I would disappoint them, and they would hate me. But I don’t understand why they treat me differently and why they made me their disappointment. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have my parents say they were proud of me. But I don’t know if I can make them proud.