I haven’t had a single friend in my 32 years of life

A day in my life is waking up and then going to bed, sometimes with a small one hour break at work. I have nobody in my life and I never did.<br><br>When I was 7 I was upset at my dad, so I walked out of the house. The night wasn’t over and I had no where to go, so I just walked in the streets, tears of sadness streaming down my cheeks. It was cold.<br><br>When I was 11 and we moved to a new town, I was thrilled to start in a new school. I was waiting for the bus and my dad was with me. I told him that I was so excited for all the new friends I was about to make. He argued that I had nobody in my previous school, so I shouldn’t expect anything different here.<br><br>He… wasn’t wrong. I had no friends. I had a lot of classmates, but no friends. My parents didn’t help, they never signed me up for any hobby. When I asked why, my mom said she didn’t want to bother. I had plenty of time to explore, but what you don’t know is that I’m socially blind. I can’t make friends. I can’t read people’s expressions. I have no idea how to approach people. I don’t know how to talk to people. I’m a robot. I don’t understand people. I’ve cried myself to sleep because of this. I’ve cried myself to sleep with a knife in my hand, too.<br><br>Now I’m 32 and nothing changed. Even after I moved away from my parents, I thought that maybe, just maybe I’d have my chance, but no. I’m still alone. Nobody likes me. I’m a failure. I’ve always been a failure. Last year I’ve tried to make a friend. I failed, too. She coldly dismissed me for a nicer, more attractive, more charming and more socially apt person. <br><br>I just wanted to have one friend. Just one. My family despises me and says that I’m weak. I don’t have a friend to talk to. I don’t have a friend to say what I feel. I don’t have a friend to be there for me. I don’t have a friend to help me, nor I can help a friend. <br><br>I’ve already given up on life. I stopped showing up to therapy, I stopped showing up to work. I’ve failed at everything I ever did in my life. I failed at school. I failed at work. I failed at socializing. I failed at being a human. I failed at being a person. I failed at being a friend. I just can’t do anything right.<br><br>If you’re here, reading this, maybe you can share your own story of depression, loneliness or pain. Would you like to be friends?<br><br>Edit to add: Wow, this blew up. Thank you guys. I didn’t expect this. Even if I can’t make friends in real life, maybe I did something good here.