I'm 32, lost my virginity, was used by someone who didn't like me. How far downhill do I have left?

I was used by a TA who clearly didn't like me to lose my virginity. I'm a very shy, stingy looking guy, 5'6, brown hair, acne, etc. I smelled slightly bad and the guy said "next time, remember to brush your teeth and get a shower". He did not expect me to be that bad down there, but I guess he had to improvise. He stopped me from going down on him. This guy was nothing special himself, just slightly better looking than me. He was 5'11 and thin with a receding hairline and a smug face. I'm not sure why he was in the class when I'm sure he's gonna graduate next year.<br><br>Why did I, a full-grown adult male, have to lose my virginity to a college student who was younger than me? Why couldn't it have been a girl my age? Why couldn't it have been someone who genuinely liked me? Why was it under these fucking circumstances where I was treated worse than a side character in a disney movie?<br><br>I just want to die. I lost my virginity under circumstances most people would not wish on an enemy and I'm still a virgin anyways. I'm not gonna be able to show my face in class or ever join another one. I'm not gonna be able to find another partner or a relationship. I'm gonna spend the rest of my life alone, wondering how I could have done things differently. <br><br>I was born into this world 32 years ago, and my first sexual encounter was with a man I didn't like or know. What some call a "loss of virginity", I call it a wake-up call. The reality of life is brutal. This is my reality, and unfortunately, it's the only one I will ever have.