I want to help other women but giving birth to a girl is too high a risk.

Just to get this out of the way, I have been influenced by fulanita and she has motivated me to be a marriage-striker. Then I saw a video of a woman having a stillbirth, and she carried her dead baby for 11 days to save her life. <br><br>If I ever find a man to marry, I am scared that in 9 months I will give birth to a girl that will be hurt, and I want to protect her since I know the dangers women face. But I don't want to be a mother. I am not equipped to be a mother. I also hate the idea of aborting my baby. I don't even know how to feel. <br><br>How do I feel better?