My (28F) boyfriend (32M) says he’s just being a nice guy when he’s doing things for me?

My boyfriend and I have been living together for almost a year now, and up until very recently, I was so happy in our relationship. I’m a bit of a hopeless romantic but I thought my boyfriend was the same. After breathing such a huge sigh of relief when we moved in together and saying “well, once you live together, you’ll know what it’s like to live together and then you’ll know whether that’s what you want to do.” He finally agreed to get married a few months ago. <br><br>He’s always been a great boyfriend, and I don’t mean to bring too much of my own baggage into this, but after a very shitty relationship I had a few years ago, I was so happy when I met such a kind and supportive guy. He was all the things I wasn’t allowed to have before, helped me grow out of my shell and opened me up to things I didn’t know I loved. My boyfriend is very understanding of my past, and he never tried to make me feel bad for it. (If it matters.) <br><br>Anyway, I know it’s something that you’re supposed to work out early on in a relationship, but I never really thought of it that way because overall, I felt like my boyfriend supported me in all the things I wanted to do. However, I recently learned that a lot of the things he has done for me over the course of our relationship, he didn’t want to do. That I somehow tricked him, or manipulated him, into agreeing to do things he didn’t want to do. <br><br>In particular, he’s been bringing up the subject of kids lately. I thought it was just hypothetical because we want to get married first. I really want kids, but my boyfriend definitely doesn’t. Actually, he’s said many times that he doesn’t want kids, and that the thought of having kids makes him sick to his stomach. Nevertheless, he’s floated the idea of me having kids for us. At least that was what I thought he meant. <br><br>A few days ago, he turned the subject of kids back onto me. He asked if I still wanted to have kids, and I said yes. He told me that I should go out and find someone to have kids with because I’m not going to have any with him. I was blindsided and asked him what was going on. He told me that he’s been doing so many things he didn’t want to do for me, that he feels like he has nothing for himself anymore. Taking me on trips, buying me things I want, letting me decorate the house, going to see the movies I want to see, etc. I was really surprised because he always made it seem like he wanted to do these things with me. <br><br>He went on to say that the only thing he does anymore is go to work and then do chores. There’s nothing he likes to do, nothing he’s interested in doing. When I asked why he never told me this, he said it was because he didn’t want me to live the way I did with my ex. (In which my ex was extremely controlling and abusive.) However, now he feels like he’s lost sight of who he is as a person. I asked him what he felt like he’s given up, and he told me it was everything. That he doesn’t even know what kind of food he likes anymore because he’s been eating my food for so long. <br><br>This all really blindsided me because I had no idea he felt this way. I do all the cooking, but he’s always been very last-minute. In the sense that he’ll agree to what I make, but then he doesn’t tell me he doesn’t like it until it’s already done and I’ve served him a plate of it. I don’t remember him ever telling me that he didn’t want to go on a trip with me, but that he would rather stay home. Or that he didn’t want to buy me a certain dress, or that he wanted me to change my hair or anything like that. I don’t know if this is my fault for not being more observant, but I just didn’t expect him to feel this way. <br><br>I asked him why he didn’t he ever tell me these things. He said it’s because he didn’t want me to feel like I was with my abusive and controlling ex again. Somehow, I don’t know how, I managed to convince him to do all these things he didn’t want to do. I don’t know how because I never remember trying to convince him to do anything that he didn’t want to do. He also said he didn’t want to disappoint me, because he knows how much these things mean to me, like traveling, or getting married, or maybe having kids one day. <br><br>To be honest, I don’t know what to do. I didn’t want to be with a guy like him because I wanted someone who knew what they wanted, and who was confident in themselves to not let someone else influence their decisions. I thought he was, but it turns out he’s not. <br><br>In all honesty, I don’t know how I feel about this. I love him so much, but I don’t know if I want to be in a relationship with someone who lets other people influence their decisions. I’ve been in that kind of relationship before, and it was horrible, and I don’t want to do it again. <br><br>Should I talk to him about it? Should I tell him that I don’t know if this is what I want? I just don’t know what to do. I’m really torn between what I feel like I should do, and what I want to do. I don’t know if I can be in a relationship with someone who lets other people influence their decisions. I’ve been in that relationship before, and it was horrible, and I don’t want to do it again.<br><br>**TL;DR:** My boyfriend is mad at me because I made him do things he didn’t want to do, but he never told me he didn’t want to do them.