I'm cop and I'm dreading going into work tonight

I've had the last few days off so I haven't been to work yet. I'm super close with the guy I'm paired with. We both have new wives and we've both got young kids. <br><br>He's a good dude. I'm actually in tears writing this. I keep thinking about his poor family and the other victims. <br><br>Our district is generally pretty safe and it's unheard-of for an incident like this to happen. My department has never lost an officer like this before. <br><br>I'm scared because I'm being forced out of my comfort zone and made to realize that what happened to him could happen to me. I'm scared for my family and I'm upset that I have to continue this job knowing that it could happen to me at any time. <br><br>I've never felt this way. I'm normally a very stoic impersonable person but I'm actually crying as I write this.<br><br>I will see you on the other side brother and I'll carry you with me until I meet you again. I'll continue to fight for what's right and look after your family for you.