My husband wants to buy a new house, but I think he is making a mistake

My husband (m31) and I (f30) have been married for 5 years. We have two kids (m4, f2). We live in a 1680 sqft 3 bed, 2.5 bath house that we bought in 2018 for $380,000. We are in the Phoenix area. <br><br>In 2018, we put 20% down ($76,000) on the house and our mortgage is $1,800. We pay another $300 for property taxes and $80 for insurance. We pay $150 for HOA fees, which covers a community pool and some basic landscaping. <br><br>My husband works from home. He spends most of his work hours in his bedroom office, which has a decent-sized desk and a big window. We had a dedicated playroom for the kids, and the kids share a room. Our house is a pretty open-plan style, so it’s easy to move between the playroom, living room, and kitchen. We have a three car garage that is used as a garage, but we also use part of it as a gym. We have a small patio that we use to eat outside, but it’s not enough room to put a big table. We have a small laundry room connected to the kitchen, so I don’t have to go into a dirty basement to do the laundry. <br><br>The masters has an extra closet that is used for storage, plus a big walk-in closet. The master bath has two sinks and a separate shower and tub. <br><br>My husband has decided our house is too small and wants to buy a big house in a different neighborhood. He wants a house that is at least 3500 sqft, with 4 or 5 bedrooms. He wants a theater room, game room, music room, and a big office. He wants at least a 4 car garage and a big patio with a fire pit and an outdoor kitchen. He wants a bigger kitchen and a bigger dining room. He wants a playroom. <br><br>Every time I try to talk to him about it, he gets mad and says I don’t understand the value of doing something nice for yourself. The problem is, we can’t afford a house like that. Where we live, houses like that are in neighborhoods that are very expensive. To get what he wants, he is looking in neighborhoods that are much more expensive, where a house like that would cost $1,000,000+. Or, we would have to move to a neighborhood that is further away from our jobs, schools, and stuff we like, where a house like that would cost $700,000. <br><br>We have a lot of money saved up. We have about $60,000 cash in our savings account, and our IRAs. Between those two, we have about $400,000 in cash. We also have stocks/bonds worth about $300,000. My husband makes $250,000 a year before taxes, so we are able to save money easily. <br><br>I’m worried that if we buy a house that is worth $700,000 to $1,200,000, it is going to be so expensive to live there, and I don’t want to risk losing everything we have worked for. I don’t want to spend down our savings. I feel like we should keep some cash available in case of emergencies. I’m worried that buying a house like that, we would be risking losing not only our money, but also our home. <br><br>He doesn’t understand why I’m so worried. He says we can sell our current house for a big profit (he thinks we could get $800,000 for it, although it’s currently valued at $650,000) and use the profit to put 20% down on a new house. He says that he is making enough money, and we can afford it. <br><br>The problem is, I don’t want to live in a big house. It would be way too big for us to keep clean. I don’t want to have to hire a personal cleaning team just to keep a house clean. I don’t want to have to buy a lot of new furniture. I’m happy with the furniture I have. I don’t know why we need a game room or a theater room or any of that stuff. I feel like it would be kind of a waste of space. We are happy with our lives the way they are. I don’t think we need all that stuff to be happy. <br><br>He is getting really angry with me. He says we are in our 30s, and it’s time to “live a little.” He says I’m so paranoid and I worry about things that aren’t a risk. He says our entire marriage, I’ve steadfastly rejected any kind of pleasure or luxury or convenience, and I force him to live in a situation that is far more austere than we need to live. He says I have to learn to relax and enjoy the nice things in life. He says I’m making us live like we are broke, when we are actually wealthy. I don’t know how to make him see things from my point of view. <br><br>For the last month, he has refused to do anything in the house. He won’t do any chores, he won’t help me with the kids. He won’t do anything around the house, including yard work or any of his other responsibilities. He says he is on “strike” and he won’t participate until I am willing to talk to a realtor about buying a new house. <br><br>I’m at a loss for what to do. He says he will buy a new house whether I want to or not. He will just buy it in his name only, and I can continue to live in our current house, which he will continue to pay for, but I will have to manage it by myself, including the mortgage and property taxes and all the maintenance. The problem is, I don’t make enough to afford to live here alone. I only make $90,000 a year. I don’t know how I would be able to afford this house on my own. <br><br>I don’t want to ask him to live in our current house, because he is so angry when he is here. He says he feels claustrophobic and miserable. He says he needs a change. He has said he is willing to stay in our current house if I will compromise with him on the furniture. He wants new furniture, and I don’t want to replace the furniture we have. We have had a lot of fights about the furniture, and he is willing to stay if I let him pick the furniture, as long as he doesn’t have to replace all of it at once. I offered to replace some of the pieces, but not all of them, and he said that wasn’t enough. <br><br>I feel like I’m being backed into a corner. I don’t want to live in a big house, but I don’t see any way out of this.