If you tell a student they're "one of the good ones", you're doing it wrong.

Hi. I'm a kindergarten teacher and I love what I do. I try very hard to treat all my kids (and everyone else) with fairness, compassion, and kindness. I make mistakes sometimes, but it's never from a lack of love for my students. They are all precious to me, and I'm grateful for the opportunity to teach all of them. I've had students across a wide range of behaviors and abilities. I've had students with extreme behaviors that disrupt the classroom. I've had students who are English learners and need extra time and support. I've had students come from traumatic backgrounds and students who have experienced trauma right in front of me. You know what? They're all precious. Every last one. And they all deserve to be treated that way.<br><br>A few times over the years, a parent or another teacher has told me I do a good job with "those kinds of" kids. With "difficult" kids, or kids with disabilities, or kids from trauma, or kids with behaviors. What they mean is kids who are not neurotypical, kids who are not WASP English-speaking, and kids who don't fit the mold of what many people think kids *should* be like. This is not a compliment. If you want to compliment me, complement me on my lesson planning or my classroom management or my kindness. Don't compliment me on being able to love and treat all my students like they're people.<br><br>If you find yourself saying things like "Oh, I could never..." or "Some students are just too..." or "Those kinds of kids...", please keep reading. <br><br>First of all, no child is inherently "bad" or "difficult." Kids don't behave badly because they're bad, they behave badly because they need something. Trauma, disability, frustration, confusion...these are all reasons kids behave in ways that are problematic. A lot of these reasons can't be helped by the kids. A kid with extreme behaviors might be "difficult" to you, but they're doing the best they can with what they've got. If a student is "difficult", it's likely because they're under-resourced and need more support. They may need more accommodations. They may need more services. They may need more love and more kindness. They may need you to sit down and think for a minute about why you think they're bad when they're trying the best they can.<br><br>Second, those kids are people. They're still people, deserving of kindness and compassion and love and respect. Just because someone is not like you, in your experience or in your neurology or in your culture, does not make them bad. Whether or not you *like* a student, you can treat them like a person. <br><br>Third, if you're telling kids that they're "the good kind" of kid, you're doing it wrong. Judging kids as "good" or "bad" is disgusting. Some kids fit the mold we have for "good" kids, and some kids don't. Some kids raise their hands. Some kids sit quietly. Some kids do all their work. Those kids are not inherently "better" than kids who can't do those things. If you're praising "good" kids, you're also saying that kids who aren't like that are "bad". That is completely, utterly, 100% wrong. You're also creating a system of racism and ableism and classism. You're creating a system where kids who are wealthy, white, abled, and neurotypical will always be praised, and kids who are not will be blamed. This is wrong. Every kid is a gift, every kid is precious, and it is your fault if you can't see that.<br><br>If you can't see the worth and value of every student you teach, you should not be teaching. No one wants a teacher who secretly thinks they're "bad" because of things they can't control. No one wants a teacher who thinks they're inherently "better" or "worse" than their peers. No one wants a teacher who can't treat everyone with kindness and compassion. If you can't do that, you owe it to yourself and your students to rethink your career choice. You are harming students, you are doing it wrong, and you need to stop.<br><br>If you're on the fence, please consider this: when you say "those kids" to me, who do you mean? Do you mean kids with disabilities? Do you mean kids with behaviors? Do you mean kids with trauma or anxiety or PTSD? Do you mean kids who are English learners? Do you mean kids who aren't white? Do you mean kids who aren't abled? <br><br>Tell you what: if you want to talk about "those kinds of kids", you're talking about *my* kids. You're talking about the students I love. You're talking about kids I would die for. The kids I would move heaven and earth for. *My* kids are not "those kinds of kids". *My* kids are gifts. *My* kids are precious. *My* kids are people, with hearts and souls, and they deserve nothing but love and compassion. Anything else is unacceptable.<br><br>So please, for the love of all that is good and holy, treat kids like they're people. Treat them with kindness, and compassion, and respect. Treat them all like they're gifts, because they are.<br><br>And if you can't do that, please get out of my profession.