I’m not sure if I’m really childfree or just responding to my upbringing.

My parents and I aren’t close. I’m not in contact with my siblings either. My parents weren’t abusive, just neglectful and never involved in my life. I’ve basically been on my own since 8-9. I’ve been told by many of my friends that I’m going to be an awesome mom one day and I’ve just kind of shrugged it off because I like kids but I’m not a “whoo! Babies! Let’s have kids” type person. I’ve come to realize that kids just aren’t that important to me. I love certain kids just not the idea of a hypothetical of my own. It’s weird to me. I’m not anti-kids or really anti anything honestly. My family just doesn’t mean that much to me. I’m just a person. I exist. I don’t know. I don’t reason with them. I’m not a very family orientated person and I’m okay with that. Like I guess it’s a little sad but I don’t need that. I don’t need the wife and kids and the house and car and dog. I don’t need to be a family let’s put it like that. I’d rather travel or just life to the fullest. I want to be happy but I’m okay with it being just me. I don’t think I would thrive as a parent. I’d like to think I’m being realistic.<br><br>I just feel like I don’t know if I’m childfree because I’m just responding to what I didn’t have growing up. Like I don’t have positive memories. It was a very “back in my day” type environment but not adventurous. I don’t want to have kids to fill a void. I don’t know if not having kids is going to make me happy but I don’t want to be a parent either because parents suck. I’m just at a loss. Am I childfree because I really don’t care for kids or do I want to travel the world and go on adventures because I didn’t have a happy upbringing?<br><br>Sorry if this is long, confusing, and is more of a journal entry than anything.