Every night, my girlfriend wakes me up to tell the exact same joke.

Before i start, i feel like i should let something very clear: I absolutely love Ellen. We've been living together for about three years now, but have known each other our whole lives. In fact, we were childhood friends - and i know this may sound like a fairy tale to some people, but it truly felt like we were always destined to be together. Even after graduation, when we began dating other people, it only felt truly right when we were with each other. So i don't know what took me so long to ask her out, but i'm really glad i did.<br><br>We have the same taste in music, we both love long walks in the woods, and we even used to play in the same band back in high school. At one point, we even worked at the same fast food joint. And because it's so much fun to be able to share all these experiences, we always have something to talk about. And as you probably expect, i planned on spending the rest of my life with her.<br><br>That's why it was all the more frustrating, when this whole thing began.<br><br>At first, i thought it was kinda cute. I'd never really been one for jokes, but she wasn't either, so i really appreciated the effort she put into it. One night, she woke me up in the middle of the night. I was startled at first, but as soon as i saw her smiling face, i immediately felt comfortable again.<br><br>"Hey. Watch this," she said.<br><br>I sat up in bed, rubbed the sleep from my eyes, and watched her as she pretended to juggle three imaginary balls. I didn't really get it, but i pretended to. I mean, who kills a moment like that.<br><br>"I know, i know. I'm a regular Bozo."<br><br>I laughed, and I'm not ashamed to admit that i faked it. Right then and there, however, i also felt a sharp, piercing pain in my head. It was as if someone had stabbed me with a dagger - straight in the eye.<br><br>"Hey, what's up?" Ellen asked.<br><br>I sneezed three times and answered: "What's up is that i just sneezed three times."<br><br>"See? It worked!" she exclaimed.<br><br>"Worked? What worked?"<br><br>She didn't answer.<br><br>"Did you just make me sneeze?"<br><br>"We're done here." With that, she lay back in bed and fell asleep.<br><br>I couldn't. The whole ordeal just bugged me. I couldn't think of an explanation for what just happened, and honestly i wasn't even really sure if it had even happened in the first place. All i knew was that it felt wrong.<br><br>The next few nights went by without any further incidents, which made me think that my mind had just played a trick on me. I'd been really stressed out at work lately, so i had even considered asking for a week off, to get some relaxation done. It was around that time, that it happened again.<br><br>Just like before, Ellen woke me up in the middle of the night, and made me watch her juggle. This time, however, i sneezed only twice, and when i asked her what she had done, she just smiled and said "See? It didn't work. You're supposed to sneeze three times."<br><br>"You can't be serious," i said, but she just lay back in bed and called it a night.<br><br>I didn't sleep much that night. How could i? I had just been confronted with something i couldn't quite grasp. It had to be some sort of a joke, but where was the humor? Every night, for about a week, we went through this same ritual. Every time, she'd juggle the imaginary balls and end her show in a different, silly way. <br><br>As you probably guessed, i never learned to appreciate these little skits. It just didn't make sense, and frankly it was starting to scare me. Not because of the sneezing, but because i felt like i had lost the person i was dating.<br><br>Desperate to find out more, i finally worked up the courage to interrogate her on this. I hitted the gym early, so i could be home before she woke up. When i entered the bedroom, she was still fast asleep. I sat down on the couch, waiting for her to wake up.<br><br>When she finally did, we sat down and talked it out. I started by saying how much i loved her, and that i never wanted to see her go, but added that i was getting concerned about her mental health after these jokes.<br><br>"I don't know how else to say this, but i think you might need to see a psychiatrist."<br><br>"Psychiatrist?"<br><br>"Yeah. You know, someone who-"<br><br>"I know what a psychiatrist is. I just don't know why you're bringing it up."<br><br>"Because of the whole joke thing. You know, every night."<br><br>"What joke?"<br><br>"The one where you juggle those imaginary balls."<br><br>"I don't know what you're talking about."<br><br>I was stunned. Seriously, i had no idea what to say. She denied it, but i knew that it had happened. Every night, for the past month, she had done this little skit where she'd pretend to juggle balls. <br><br>"I must have dreamed it," i said.<br><br>"Maybe. You know how dreams work. They feel so real, you can't tell them apart from reality."<br><br>"But they're not reality."<br><br>"No. But maybe you just need to lighten up. Every night, you wake me up to tell me the same joke. And yet you expect me to be serious all the time?"<br><br>"That's not true," i said.<br><br>"What's not true?"<br><br>"That i wake you up every night to tell you the same joke."<br><br>"Don't get me wrong, i love you, but seriously? Every night, 'Free will?'"<br><br>"I never did that."<br><br>"Well then, you're just a liar. Either way, it's still pretty fucked up behavior on your part."<br><br>"I don't know what you're talking about."<br><br>"Well then, maybe you need to see a psychiatrist."<br><br>I got up from the couch and walked out of the room. I didn't know what else to do. When i reached the kitchen, i wrote her a note on a piece of paper. When she saw me holding it, she simply said "Oh, another one, huh?" I disregarded her sarcasm and laid the note on her lap. It said "Dear Ellen, Please stop this. I'm begging you. I don't know what you think you're trying to achieve, but its working. I'm starting to lose my mind."<br><br>"I'm not trying to drive you insane," she said. "I didn't even write those notes. And i don't know what you're talking about."<br><br>The next night, i had the dream again. This time, her little juggling skit ended with her making me sneeze four times. As i sneezed, she repeated the same phrase she had repeated every night: "I know, i know. I'm a regular Bozo."<br><br>The next morning, i went to my friend Jerry for help. Jerry is a professional comedian, who used to perform stand up in New York City. We hadn't talked in a long time, but i figured that a professional comedian would know something about jokes. And if this was somehow a clever trick, he'd be the man to twist it apart. I told him everything.<br><br>"Well, first off: Is she funny?"<br><br>"No. Not at all."<br><br>"Well then, she's not a comedian."<br><br>I asked him what he meant by that, but he just sidestepped my question. Instead he asked why i hadn't gone to a professional yet. I told him how she'd denied the whole thing, and that we even had a fight over it.<br><br>"You think she's gaslighting you?" he asked.<br><br>"I don't know. I don't even think she's trying to. I just feel like something's wrong with her."<br><br>"Well, i have an idea," he said. "Next time she does this skit, just go along with it. Play the role of an audience member."<br><br>"Thanks," i said. "I'll give it a shot."<br><br>"Good. But if she really is gaslighting you, you need to be prepared for the possibility of your own insanity."<br><br>"I know. I've been preparing for that my entire life."<br><br>The next night, i waited for her until i couldn't wait any longer. I was starting to doze off, but at the last second she showed up.<br><br>"Hey. Watch this," she said.<br><br>This time, i decided to play along. I applauded after a little while, just as one would at a show. When she'd finished, i applauded some more.<br><br>"You know, that was the best show you've done so far," i said.<br><br>"I know, i know. I'm a regular Bozo."<br><br>"You're a regular Bozo," i repeated.<br><br>"And you're a regular пока."<br><br>"That's a new one."