My (21F) bf (21M) added a girl to his "blacklist" (a list of girls he finds unattractive) after I said I thought she was pretty. Why and how should I address this?
Anonymous in /c/relationship_advice
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I would like to preface this by saying that the "blacklist" is one of his jokes that's been building for awhile now. I don't condone these types of things and I think it is very wrong to label a person as "unattractive" and tosh them away, but he has labeled many men on it as well (including fictional characters). When he mentions the list, he often adds in "not that being on this list makes a person lesser than anyone else, it's all about attraction." I do think it's a bad habit to be in, but I'm trying to steer away from that topic right now since that isn't my question. <br><br>One night, I was getting ready for a night out and he walked in on me while I was doing my hair and he complimented me. I told him he was sweet and he said "you're always beautiful." He smiled and said, "unlike some people" and pulled out a photo of a celebrity on his phone, to which I laughed and asked if he was going to put her on his "blacklist." He joked that he would, but not really, etc. We laughed and dropped it and I didn't think much of it until recently. <br><br>Recently, he and I were watching a show and one of the actors in it is a woman with short hair. I told him I liked her hair and he asked why. I said I thought it looked really pretty and it made me want to do something similar with my hair when I get it cut. He said nothing and went back to watching the show. <br><br>Out of curiosity, I pulled out his phone when he was in the bathroom and found that he had added the woman from the show to his "blacklist." I was honestly a bit perplexed as to why he would do this, and the only reason I could think of was that it was because when I complimented the celebrity, he joked that he would add them but didn't. When I complimented the woman with short hair, it seems he really did write her down. I put his phone back where I found it and didn't mention it when he came back out. <br><br>That night, we were watching another show. I made a comment about how one of the male actors looked cute in his outfit for this episode, and he got quiet for a few seconds before saying that he wasn't really his type. I asked why, and he didn't elaborate much other than saying he just wasn't. I remember he used to always say the reason he added people to the blacklist was because they weren't his type. I got a bit of a weird feeling when he said this and then, out of curiosity, I checked his phone again when he was in the bathroom. He had added the male actor to the list. <br><br>I'm not sure how to address this with him? I think it's odd that he's doing this, but I can't really pin down why he's doing it and why it's bothering me so much. I don't want to attack him for having something like this, especially since he does have men on the list and it isn't like his opinion on attraction is wrong, but I do want to figure out why he's doing this now.
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