I'm a pizza delivery driver and the holidays have me feeling terrible

Christmas is coming, and I'm having a very rough time. I felt like writing this out.<br><br>I'm a pizza delivery driver. I'm 25 and I didn't have a whole lot going for myself when this all started, but this job has been decent. For the past year and a half, I've been driving, and I've gotten to know quite a few of the regulars on my route. I see them every week (or every 3-4 days in some cases). I grew up not liking strangers very much, but I think having a job where I interact with people who are expecting me to be upbeat has helped me become better with people.<br><br>I've had a few customers who've given me gifts, or food, or cash, and it's always so generous and unexpected. I only want to make people happy. I want everyone to love their pizza, and to smile when they see me. I don't work very hard at a lot of things in my life, but this is something I always try my best at. I think it's because so many of our regular customers make me feel like I'm doing something valuable. If all I have to do is be nice to people and bring them food, then I'll keep doing my best to be kind and make them happy.<br><br>We have a few elderly customers that I always try to talk to. I know they must be lonely, and I want to be as kind and gentle as I can when I see them. I always ask how they're doing, and listen if they want to talk. I care about all of our customers, but I'm so sad for the older ones because I can see how lonely they are. I can imagine how hard it must be to be alone. I know what it's like to be lonely, and it hurts my heart to see these elderly people who were once so happy with families and busy lives, who now live alone and have no one to talk to.<br><br>We have one customer in particular that I'm very close with. His wife died recently, and he still orders pizzas with extra olives even though he doesn't like them. He told me they were her favorite. I always make sure to spend extra time with him when I see him. I'm not great with people, but I can see how sad he is, and I want him to know how much I care about him. I think about him at random times during the day and wish I could go visit him to make sure he's okay. I think about him more than I want to admit. I feel so terrible for him. I don't know how he does it. I don't know how all of these people do it.<br><br>I wish I saw him more. I hope he's doing okay tonight. I wish he wasn't alone. I wish all of these people weren't alone on Christmas.