AITA for taking my daughter home for Christmas after her stepmother refused to make her a vegetarian dish?

I have a 25 year old daughter Kat. She is a vegetarian. I’ve remarried, but Kat isn’t close with my wife, “Lydia”. Kat has only met Lydia a couple of times. She’s been with me since she was 5. I did the best I could raising her considering she had no mother, and she never had siblings. We have always been extremely close and I’ve always done my best to make sure Kat is happy. She’s a very sweet, kind-hearted girl who never really gets into arguments or has any problems.<br><br>Ever since my daughter left for college, Lydia kept making suggestions that we should host the holidays, because she has eight siblings and a lot of people always had to travel to come see her when she hosted. I always said we could try it out but we have always ended up going to her parents because it was so hard to get everyone to agree to coming to our house instead. It’s only an hour drive for us, and honestly I have always much preferred going there and visiting because I find it easier and the flashbacks are fewer for me.<br><br>This year, Lydia and I decided to go ahead and try hosting. We were excited, and my daughter said she’d come since it’s been a while since she came to our house. I was thrilling thinking the three of us would be able to spend time together as a family.<br><br>The problem came when Lydia wanted to do a potluck, and have everyone bring their own dish to go along with turkey. I asked Kat what she wanted to bring and she said she was going to bring a vegetarian lasagna. Then I told Lydia that Kat was going to bring lasagna and she immediately stopped what she was doing and said, “Oh so she’s cooking for everyone? I’m cooking the main course, I don’t think it’s fair for Kat to bring a main course too when I’m already cooking.”<br><br>I said, “What do you mean? You wanted everyone to bring a dish.”<br><br>She said, “I didn’t think she would be bringing a main course. I was thinking a side dish, like garlic bread or something that goes along with what I’m cooking.”<br><br>I said, “Okay, then why don’t we ask her to bring garlic bread?” And she said, “I don’t want to tell her what to bring, I just think she knows I’m cooking and she should bring something that goes along with it. She chose to be a vegetarian, after all.”<br><br>I said, “Okay, well I’ll ask her Friendly Garland if she can bring a side dish instead of a main course.” I texted Kat and asked her, and she agreed to it. I told Lydia, and then she said, “I think I’m going to make a pretty elaborate side dish myself though, from scratch. So maybe Kat could just bring something simple, like store-bought bread or something.”<br><br>I was starting to get annoyed and I told Kat what Lydia suggested. Kat said okay, but that she thinks that’s kind of an insult to be asked to bring a super simple side dish just because she is vegetarian. I agreed and told Lydia that Kat will bring a side dish but it will be something from scratch, considering the fact that she’s going to a lot of effort in cooking for everyone. Lydia said, “But she isn’t cooking for everyone, she’s cooking for herself.”<br><br>I said, “Okay, well I’ll just tell her not to bring anything then, since you don’t think she’s contributing anyway.” And Lydia said, “No, I don’t want her here at all then.”<br><br>I could see where this was headed, which was nowhere good. I was also getting mad because honestly I think it’s bullshit that Lydia was trying to dictate what my daughter brings, like my daughter is some kind of idiot who can’t be trusted to make decisions. So I just said, “Then we won’t come. I will tell her you don’t want her there, and we will just spend Christmas at our house.”<br><br>She said, “She can come, just don’t expect me to make anything that she eats.” Like that was some kind of fucking insult? I’m sorry, but that pissed me off. Kat is a grown fucking woman, she doesn’t need her stepmother to make her food. I’ve been taking care of her since she was 5. She’s not some fucking child who needs her stepmom to make her food for Christmas. But I said okay, and I told Kat that Lydia won’t make anything she can eat, so Kat said she’ll bring her own main course.<br><br>Then Lydia came into the room I was in holding my phone, which was stupid, and she looked at me like, “What the fuck did you just say to her?” I played dumb and said, “What?” And she said, “I don’t want her bringing a fucking to-go box from Subway or Panera or something and eating at my table. If she can’t be fucking bothered to eat what I cook then she can just stay home.”<br><br>I got up and grabbed my daughter’s bag. I said, “She’s not eating your godamn food, because you won’t make her anything. But you think that she should just starve? You think that she’s some kind of burden because she has one food preference? What the fuck kind of fucking person are you?” I honestly don’t even know where I’m at right now because I’m still so angry I’m fucking shaking. I’m just writing this on my daughter’s laptop while we sit in the car in the parking lot at the hotel.<br><br>Lydia started crying and wailing saying that I was being mean to her, that I was being unfair, that I didn’t care about her or appreciate her. I told her to shut the fuck up. I said, “You know what? You brought this on yourself. You are so fucking demanding, you can’t even make a tiny effort for Kat? The least you could do is try to make her happy considering she’s my fucking daughter. I swear, you will go to any fucking length to make sure she knows that you don’t consider her part of this family.”<br><br>My daughter was kind of in shock. I don’t think she had ever seen me blow up like that before, and she didn’t know what to say. I told her to let me get her stuff together and we would leave, because at that point I just wanted to get the fuck out of there. Lydia kept wailing and saying that she can’t believe how mean I was to her, that I’m never happy with anything she does, that I’m so inconsiderate. She’s still going on and on right now as I write this.<br><br>I grabbed my daughter’s stuff, and we got out of there. We drove straight to a hotel. About 10 minutes ago, Lydia sent me a text saying, “You’re making a huge mistake if you’re leaving me. Don’t bother coming back.” So I guess that’s that. Honestly I don’t give a fuck. I’m not going to let her dictate how I treat my daughter. If that makes me an asshole, then I can live with that.