My experience when my mom walked in on me masturbating to her videos.

I'm (f26) an incest survivor. I've been working on healing for some time now and I wanted to join this chamber because it feels like I'm in a space where I can really relate to people and that gives me strength. I wanted to share my story, I'm no longer ashamed of what happened to me, I can say for certain that what happened was wrong and I deserve every right to heal. I'm sorry for being long winded, I hope you'll read every word, because I want people to know that they don't have to be ashamed of what other people did to them.<br><br>\*warning: incest, abuse\*<br><br>When I (f18 at the time) was in college, I would always talk to my mom about my relationships and sex life because I felt I could trust her with anything and she felt the same way, which I realized was part of the grooming process. My parents divorced when I was 10 because my dad cheated on my mom. He later got remarried and they'd always have huge arguments. They've never gotten along. I never knew my dad was an abuser until I was an adult.<br><br>I enjoyed having sex and would have casual hook ups with men. I never had a serious boyfriend until I was 21. I lost my virginity when I turned 17 to my boyfriend at the time. I didn't know how to feel about the relationship I had with my parents because I loved my dad, but I also felt I could trust more. It's a feeling you can't really explain. I would always confide in her about my sex life because I felt like we had a deeper connection.<br><br>I was staying with my parents for winter break. Neither of my parents knew I was masturbating in my room. I was laying in bed and decided to do the deed. I had pulled my pants down and was about to really get into it when my mom walked in on me. My room was connected to their room so she used to walk into my room a lot without knocking. She didn't apologize and started talking to me about how she wanted to teach me a lesson about what it feels like to have a real orgasm. I was frozen and shocked. I tried to tell her to leave but she didn't. She grabbed my phone and saw the porn I was watching. I wanted to die, I was in complete shock and tried telling her to stop. She started to pleasure herself and told me to do the same. I kept telling her to stop but I was frozen. I didn't know what to do. I eventually came to my senses and threw my phone at her and left the house. I stayed with a friend and told him what happened and he was really supportive. I texted my dad and he didn't believe me. I blocked him. During the week, my mom kept texting me and calling me. She was begging me to come back home and that she was sorry and that it would never happen again. I didn't answer her calls. I eventually did after days of her calling and begging me. She told me she missed me and loved me and she said she didn't know what came over her and that she was acting out of impulse. I told her I didn't want her to come near me again. She said she was sorry and that she would respect my boundaries and promised to never bring it up again.<br><br>I eventually returned home. Every other night, she would just walk into my room. She would always have a bathrobe on. I knew exactly what she was doing. She would come in and start talking to me. She would always compliment my appearance. I can recall one instance where she was talking to me about how she missed me and felt empty without me. I wanted to throw up, but I didn't want to get kicked out. I'd usually just ignore her and she'd eventually go back to her room after 30 minutes-1 hour of talking. Sometimes she'd just sit on my bed and watch me. It was the weirdest thing. She'd always gossip about my dad and tell me how she hated him. I think that's why she always compared me to him, to make me feel guilty.<br><br>I wanted to leave the house, but I had nowhere to go. It was hard. I had no job, school, or friends at the time. I was alone. I eventually left when I got a job. I didn't speak to my mom for 4 years. I blocked her on all my social media and phone. I wanted her to feel the same emptiness she claimed to have felt when I left. I eventually unblocked her 4 years later and she messaged me. She told me she missed me so much and was so sorry for what happened and that she wanted me to come visit and that she wanted to make amends. I declined. I told her I didn't want to see her and that I couldn't trust her. I told her how much pain and suffering she caused me and how she was a terrible mother and that I don't think we could ever have a normal relationship. She kept messaging me, saying she was sorry and wanted my forgiveness. I told her she needed to seek help with a therapist and that I'd never forgive her. I blocked her again and she started spamming calling me until I answered. She was begging me to see her and that she missed me. I told her to fuck off and that I hated her and she needed to grow up and stop living in the past. She told me she was sorry again and I told her it was too late now. She was crying and begging me and I eventually hung up on her. She stopped trying to contact me and I haven't heard from her in years. I hope she rots.<br><br>I eventually started going to therapy and started healing. I realized I wasn't in the wrong. I was innocent. I didn't deserve what happened to me and the way I was treated growing up.<br><br>&#x200B;