Has anyone else here tried to "not be a feminist"?

When I was a teenager, I didn't want to be a feminist. I had internalized the idea that feminists were fat, ugly bitches who couldn't get a man. I was young and cute, and my mom was a single mother, so I always thought that I could get a man because my mom could. My mom would tell me that because she was so attractive, she could always get a man to do what she wanted, and I thought that I could do the same.<br><br>I was in denial about all of the shitty things that men had done to me. I was raped by a "friend" at 13, but told myself that it wasn't a big deal. I was groped and grabbed in the hallways at school, but I told myself it was because I was wearing a push-up bra. I was a "girl" and I had "boobs" so I should cover them up. I got pregnant at 17 and I was told that I was a whore for "letting" him "knock me up." It was my fault. I was the one who was pregnant. I had gotten myself pregnant, clearly.<br><br>It took years, therapy, and medical school for me to see how much of a lie that was. I was just a girl, and my entire life I was told that I was nothing. My opinions, my needs, my wants didn't matter. I was nothing more than an object to them. I told myself that I wasn't a feminist because I didn't want to be seen as nothing more than an object. I didn't want other people to see me like that.<br><br>Fast forward to today, and I am a feminist. I am an intersectional feminist. I have learned to love myself, to accept myself. I have learned to take my own needs and wants into consideration. I have learned that I am more than just a pretty face, boobs, or an ass. I am a person, with thoughts, opinions, needs, and wants. And I am not going to apologize for that. No matter what men think.