3 hours ago my daughter decided she wanted to make a cake and I was happy to help her. I just looked at the cake and NOW I am extremely upset.

I feel so sad that I don’t want to cry about.<br><br>My daughter is an extremely smart little girl but she has some difficulties. Her speech is delayed, and her understanding of social cues or reasoning for certain things are affected. Sometimes it’s hard to connect with her or even engage in a conversation as she doesn’t fully understand the dynamics of a conversation. <br><br>Today we were in the kitchen, and she was playing with a tea set with some of her dolls, and I looked at her several times and she just stared at me. She didn’t try to interact with me, I felt like I was completely invisible. And I know this is the developmental stage she’s currently in; she’s not supposed to be able to share or talk a lot, that’s not the point at all.<br><br>So I was playing with a toy next to her and I tried to engage her a couple of times, she didn’t react. She was super happy though, all smiles, and that means the world. <br><br>Then she goes - “cake” - and we go to the supermarket, and she picks out a microwaveable cake. We come home, I help her mix it up, and put it in the microwave, and she decides she wants to decorate it with pretty candy pieces. Then it’s done and she gets super proud of herself, and so am I.<br><br>And I hold her, and she holds me back, and she looks me in the eyes and I see so much love there, and I feel so much love, and I look at that cake - the prettiest cake ever - and she tells me how she wants to eat it, and I know this is the only time I have with her. <br><br>I think about how in 5 years she will be more talkative and share more with me. In 10 years she’ll be completely self-sufficient but I will still have a hand in her life. Then I think about 15+ years from now, when she doesn’t need me anymore and she’ll be doing her own thing. <br><br>Oh my gosh, I’m just so extremely emotional as I look at that cake, that piece of trash, and I feel so much love for her. I feel sad, I feel blessed, I feel very vulnerable, and my heart swells.<br><br>I love my daughter so much, and I just don’t want to ever let her go. I know I have to at some point, but I don’t want to. She’s the only one I love more than myself, and I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to her. <br><br>Even if she’s not the most talkative girl, or social girl, she’s MY girl. And I don’t know how to express all my love for her. I feel like I don’t have the strength to live without her. I feel like she’s the HALF I need to be whole. I love her so much. I don’t know how to explain it, but I love her more than words can express.