A cold wind whispers through the streets. You peer out of the window, see lovers coming out of the local church. The winter air kisses their faces.

A cold wind whispers through the streets, a winter of anniversaries. You peer out of the window, a lover such as any other, and see a bride as beautiful as the one you never had. The wedding party shivers its way into the winter evening, into the embrace of those who wish the newlyweds many happy years.<br><br><br>You close your eyes and say nothing. I know you want to speak, but I won't let you.<br><br><br>You and I were never married. We never had a wedding. But we were in love, as much as those two. Maybe even more so. We had plans, too, and dreams. You were an artist, a painter, a musician, a poet. You had so many talents, so many passions. You were charismatic, beautiful, brilliant. People adored you from the moment you walked into a room, the moment you opened your mouth, the moment you dared to sing.<br><br><br>We wanted to grow old together, and see the world. We were meant to experience every colour, every flavour, every melody, every sensation that this world has to offer. And we were meant to see them together.<br><br><br>But the world had other plans. It took you away from me, so soon, so early, so abruptly. It was a shock, a shock that I'm still recovering from. Perhaps I will never recover.<br><br><br>Young lovers walk arm in arm down a winter street as you and I should have done. The wedding party has faded into the background, as irrelevant to me as everything else on this godforsaken planet. The newlyweds laugh, and hold each other, and I can see the happiness in the way they move, the way they look at each other, the way they laugh and love and live. They are perpetually in bloom, as you never got to be.<br><br><br>I close my eyes and let tears roll down my face. I don't want to feel this way, but I can't help it. Why was I never allowed to be the bride, or the groom? Why must the rain always fall, why must the winter always come, why must the snow always blanket everything in white, burying any colours that may have been there a moment ago?<br><br><br>Why must I lose everything that I ever loved?<br><br><br>The sky is grey, a deep grey, the colour of your eyes. The wind blows through the streets, a gentle breeze on a cold day. Your hair flows behind you like a golden river as you walk towards me. I can see the smile on your face, the smile that I love and love and love. It is so pure, so innocent, so beautiful. You are a ray of sunshine in the midst of winter, a ray of colour in the midst of greyness.<br><br><br>I can smell your skin, your hair, your breath. I can feel the warmth of your hands in mine, the warmth of your lips on my skin. I can taste your mouth, feel your arms, hear your voice.<br><br><br>But none of it is real. You are nothing but a ghost, a shadow, a mere echo of what once was. I'm so lonely, so broken, such a shattered mirror with so many cracks and fissures that there's no point fixing it. I might as well be a million pieces of me, a million different versions of the same broken person.<br><br><br>And yet, I know that I'm not alone. There are so many of us, so many shattered mirrors, so many broken windows, so many cracked vases and so many broken dolls and toys and dreams. So many of us, so many of you, so many of them, so many whispered names in a cold wind that blows through endless streets.<br><br><br>You and I can't be lovers, because you're so long gone. But we can be winter. We can be a ray of sunshine in the midst of winter, a ray of colour in the midst of greyness. We can be a cold wind that blows through the streets, through endless streets, whispering the names of those who we lost, those who we loved, those who we'll always remember.<br><br><br>And though the snow falls, though the rain comes, though the skies are grey and the winds are cold, we'll be the ones who bring light to the world. You and I, and all the others. We'll bring light to the world, as much as we can, for as long as we can. Because even if the winter is too much for us, even if we don't know how to survive, even if you're gone and I'm here and I don't know how to go on without you, we'll be a winter of anniversaries, a winter of memories, a winter of love and loss and light.<br><br><br>Years from now, when I've grown old, and had a life that doesn't include you, I'll walk through this same street, and look out of this same window, and remember the day when I first saw a newlywed couple walking in their wedding clothes through the snow and ice. And I'll remember you, and how much I loved you, and how much I lost you. And I'll look out at the world, and see the beauty that was, and the beauty that is, and maybe even the beauty that will be.<br><br><br>Until then, my love, rest now. Sleep tight. Sleep warm. Perhaps we will meet in the next dream, in the next life, in the hereafter. But until then, I'll be here, on this Earth, on this planet, in this body. And you, my love, you'll be the winter cold that runs through my veins, the winter warmth that makes my heart beat.<br><br><br>Rest now, my love. Sleep tight. Sleep warm. We will meet again.