Why am I even on this shithole of a website?

watched my brother go thru an addiction that nearly took his life for most of my childhood. The fucker "got clean" after a few years and spent a whole summer recovering and "learning how to live without the bottle again." And guess what? We just got a call this morning that he is in critical condition with no chance of recovery and probably won't survive the night....twelve years sober. I just don't understand. Why do I have to look at my parents,watching their lives come crashing down around them for the second time in their goddamn lives. My little sister is going to be ten years old and is sadly going to have to live the rest of her life knowing two of her brothers are complete pieces of shit? why do I have to pretend to be strong for everyone right now? I am so....so...so done with life.