I never knew I was so lonely until the day before my birthday.

I was a lonely kid. I never really fit in with other kids. I had my siblings to talk to but they were all older than me. My brother and sister both had their lives to live and didn't spend much time with me. My mom would go to work at 7am and end her day with 10pm. It was pretty lonely. <br><br>I remember Christmas Eve, 2015. I was 12 and my birthday was the following day. I was lying in bed thinking to myself how I really wished I'd been given a party of some sort. A birthday was always special, no matter how old I was. I had been trying so hard to help my mom out with chores and stuff for the longest time. She deserved a break, and I knew her response would be that she didn't have time but I figured she could make time for my birthday. I tried to convince myself that she would have the best party ever planned, which was probably true. <br><br>But what did I have, birthday morning? A couple of small gifts from my mom and siblings, a thin excuse for why there was no party, and a slightly dead feeling in my chest. This was never the case growing up. I knew there was a financial burden on our house, but I didn't care. It was my birthday, I was the birthday kid. I deserved a celebration. It didn't have to be a big one, just a little one. Anything, really. I would have been happy with a cake, but where the fuck was that? When I woke up to the darkness of my room it felt like someone was sitting on my bladder. I didn't want to wake up at all. But when I did, I looked at my phone and there was a text from my mom, which was rare. She must have really been busy that day. It was 3am and she was already gone. <br><br>"Why did you wake me up?" I asked her. I was mad at myself for checking my phone, mad at her for missing my birthday, mad at everything. <br><br>"I wanted you to wake up before my day got busy!" she said. <br><br>And that was it. That was all she said. I asked her if she wanted to talk but she was busy again, and that was it. That was my birthday. It sucked. <br><br>But I got over it. I have a big family. There's not much you can do.