It's crazy how I was like half of chambers at times before, then quarantine came around and I did a complete 180 in terms of being childfree

I did not expect being quarantined to show me that I actually am, and have always been, childfree. <br>When I was quarantined at home because I had been exposed to someone with the virus, i became really suicidal- i am pretty sure I opened my windows 4 times and was ready to jump (I live in an apartment but it is 100 feet up in the air) but something stopped me. I was so angry at the world and I didn't want to leave. It was at that moment I realized that I had no reason for living other than to merely exist. (I was motivated by money back in the day, then I was motivated by the most shallow things in life) I also realized that I wanted to live a life with no regrets. I am currently only 24, so I haven't lived much, but I realized that I don't regret having a normal life right now- nice job, nice car, nice home, etc. However, I knew for sure that I did not want to have children. I don't want to be burdened with the responsibility because I don't want to lose the motivation to move on with my life. I want to continue having a life free of anxiety and stress. I also realized that our society is fucked and I do not want to bring more people to contribute to the already growing population that destroys the environment. So I'm sure we're all on the same boat here on this subreddit. I knew I've always not wanted kids, but I was unsure, thinking that every one says they don't want kids until they want them. You never really know, right? But I have never been 100% sure that I did not want kids. I am now. <br>I'm not sure how it took me this long to realize it, but I'm happy I did. I believe that's how we should view quarantine; we should not see it as a punishment or a time where we sit home and grow fat and watch TV all day. I think it's an opportunity for us to reflect on life and see what our priorities are. You will never live through this kind of event in your life before, so we should take advantage of it and reflect. And that's what I did. I reflected on my entire life and I could name off my fears, my regrets, my happiness, my disappointments, etc. I am now more sure than ever that being childfree is what I want. I had nothing to worry about before, until now. I now have a reason to live and that is to be the best version of myself I can be, and to live a life that is happy and free of any responsibility that I do not want (like kids). <br>It's also funny, because in the beginning, I was angry at anyone who I saw was outside, even if they were social distancing. I thought we all were on the same boat, but we aren't. There are people who are selfish enough to put others at risk and be out and about. I don't get it personally. But what I realized is that people are different and I need to focus on myself and my own happiness instead of getting mad at what other people do with their lives. I also often get angry at people who bring children into this world because they say it was the best decision they ever made, but I realized it's not my place to be angry. I think it's the same thing as if someone dislikes dogs or cats- they don't have to understand why anyone would have them, but they have to admit it's not their decision and again, they need to focus on their own happiness.<br>I didn't really have a point to this post, I just wanted to express my feelings. I am now 100% sure that I am childfree and I have realized a lot of things about myself and life. I'm glad I was given the opportunity to reflect on life. I'm glad I didn't jump off my balcony. These may seem like the most shallow things to be thankful for, but I am.