I hate looking at my wife.

The beautiful girl I met 5 years ago, the girl I fell in love with is gone. The person who still is my soulmate, the person I love more than words can say, is dead to me. <br><br>I grew up in a Christian family. It wasn't extreme in any way, but I was taught to always keep myself clean and maintain a high level of self-respect. My wife grew up in a strict religious household. We met at college and I thought she was the most beautiful, kind, and attractive woman I'd ever seen. It took me a while to find the courage to talk to her, but eventually I did. She became my best friend. We talked and talked and I fell in love with her. I wanted her to be my wife more than anything else.<br><br>So I asked her out. She said yes. I was on cloud 9. But over the next few months, I began noticing things were wrong. She never showered, or cleaned her room. She never did her homework or chores. She was always wearing the same hoodie. It was like she was dead to the world. She never left the house. She never cleaned her teeth. Her breath smelled. Her room was like a pigsty. Her hair, which was so beautiful at first was greasy and gross. Everytime I kissed her she tasted of bad breath and stale cigarettes. I didn't mind her smoking, but she'd never clean her teeth after. <br><br>At first I didn't say anything because I thought she was just going through a tough time, but after a while, I started hinting. I asked her to clean up for me, I told her I missed the girl who I fell in love with. I asked her to stop smoking. I told her how much it hurt me to see her like this. But every time I did she'd fly off the handle at me. She told me I was controlling her and treating her like an child. She told me that if I loved her I'd accept her for who she is. <br><br>I do. But I hate the way she looks. I hate how she smells. I hate the way she acts. I hate how she looks like a slob and always wears the same clothes. I hate that I can't kiss her because of her bad breath. I hate that I can't look at her because she's so ugly. I hate that I don't find her attractive anymore.<br><br>She's my world. I'd give my last dollar for her, my last breath, I'd die for her, but I can't stand the way she looks or acts. What do I do?