AITA for not putting my wine glass down when my husband tried to grab it? (Long)

This is not a petty story, there is a lot of detail as to why this happened and I want advice on whether I should apologize or not. My brother passed away in 2005 and the day he passed is the day my husband stopped drinking. <br><br>My husband and I were married about 8 years before my brother passed. In those 8 years, he was a weekend drinker. He would have a couple drinks on Friday, then drink all weekend. He would even do little drugs like mescaline and ecstasy here and there. My brother was 16 when he died and his death was very sudden. I had a talk with my husband before he quit cold turkey and told him that I loved him, but if he wanted to stay with me, he had to stop. I can’t stand even looking at drugs, let alone using them. <br><br>I never told him not to drink in front of me. I have never cared about that. My husband’s sister has been a problem drinker for the last 15 or so years. She will get blackout drunk then start fights with people who aren’t there. She’s tried to fight me twice and has tried to get into physical altercations with my husband multiple times. She lives with us and is the reason I work so much, I don’t want to put her in a nursing home. For the last 2 years, she’s been perfectly fine, not drinking any alcohol and none of those symptoms have popped up in a long time. <br><br>My brother passed away in 2005 so it was always hard for me around Christmas time. It always felt like something was missing and it was. One year my husband decided to get a bottle of wine for Christmas dinner and he didn’t touch it. I tried to tell him he didn’t have to do that but the wine sat there untouched and unopened for years. Then one day, my husband decided to open it and split it with me. He didn’t have more than a quarter of a cup and I told him it was ok if he wanted to drink the whole thing. <br><br>He told me he didn’t want to because he didn’t want to go back to who he was before my brother passed, but he did want to drink enough to have the taste. He said he’ll drink a little bit each year. <br><br>This year, we had Christmas at our house and when we were all sitting down to eat, my husband brought out the same bottle and poured me and himself a glass. His sister asked what kind of wine it was and he told her, she then went to the fridge and pulled out a chardonnay bottle. <br><br>No one at the table wanted any so she opened it and started drinking. I was so pissed off I almost couldn’t eat my dinner but when I noticed my husband starting to drink his wine, that’s when I snapped. My brother died from drinking and driving and here his sister was, drinking! I told her she had no right to drink in front of us. I told her my brother was dead and she had no right to drink. <br><br>She got mad and left the room but my husband got mad at me and told me she has the right to do what she wants. She isn’t judged for drinking any more than he is for not drinking. I asked him if he didn’t care that my brother was dead? <br><br>Then he went off the deep end. He slammed his fist on the table and roared at me. He told me he would never want to drink again and how could I even ask him that. He said my brother’s death was his fault and he would hate himself forever. <br><br>The dinner was cut short and everyone left. I went to the living room to cry and my husband came in after me. It was the first time he yelled at me in 28 years. I asked him if he thought of our kids? He told me our kids don’t know anything about any of it so why would he? <br><br>I shook my head and went to the kitchen. That’s when I noticed he again slammed his fist on the table. There was a crack along the bottom and the crack went almost all the way across. I’m not stupid, I know that a crack in wood is fixable. I just can’t fix it. <br><br>So I grabbed the bottle of wine and started cleaning the table. I was half expecting him to apologize and I didn’t want to clean twice right away. I got half the trash thrown away when he came into the kitchen. He asked me if I think I can fix it and I said I can but it’s going to take a couple days for it to dry. <br><br>He said it’s ok, he doesn’t expect me to fix it right away. I then asked him if he wants to get another bottle of wine because we’re going to have to throw the rest of this away. He looked at me funny and said he’s not getting another bottle. <br><br>I am lost right now and I don’t know what to do. He’s been distant but he always is after he loses his temper. I want him to be able to let go of my brothers death but I also don’t want him to start drinking again.