I planned my suicide for two weeks, but at the last second I didn't go through with it

I am 18 and I am an underweight 5'3 man. By all accounts, I've always been one of the more popular kids at my high school. I have lots of friends, I'm pretty outgoing, I'm in a band, I play on the hockey team, I had a hot girlfriend for some time, and I won the biggest award we have at school for writing. However, this past year my best friend (my only real friend) died. I found myself drifting more and more away from my other friends. Then my girlfriend dumped me. <br><br>Sure, I tried to go to therapy and stuff, I've been for a while but it just didn't feel like I was going anywhere. So I decided I'm done, I'm over. I started making a plan, two weeks ago. I wanted to do it in a way that wouldn't affect anyone, a way that I could kill myself without anyone knowing. I planned to get my hands on two grams of fentenyl, do a line, then go to a park I used to walk through when I was young, and overdose there. Or else I would buy a bottle of GHB and drink it and overdose in the same park.<br><br>But yesterday I was talking to one of my friends and I told him for the first time that things have been bad. And I think when I said it out loud it really hit me and the last second I realized I don't want to die. <br><br>I've been lucky, I've lived a life I've enjoyed, I've been to great places, I've met good people, I've got good blood in my veins. I've been so lucky.