Cheating on myself

Imagine you were in a relationship with yourself. How would you betray that person the most?<br><br>As I lay awake in bed, the steady hum of the air conditioner overhead and the faint sound of crickets from outside the window, I couldn't shake the feeling that something was off. It had been building for weeks, maybe even months, this creeping sense of disloyalty towards myself. At first, I attributed it to the usual stressors of life—a toxic friendship I should have ended months ago, a job that sucked the marrow from my bones, the constant battle with my own inner critic. But this was something different. Something sinister.<br><br>It started with little things, the occasional white lie whispered to myself. "I'll get up in five more minutes." "I'll go for a run tomorrow." "I'll be sober this weekend." I always knew the truth, but I didn't want to admit it, not yet. The lies came easily, as effortlessly as breathing, and I was soon addicted. I would steal money from myself, convincing myself that it wasn't truly stealing if I was the one with the wallet. I would leave myself cryptic messages of self-doubt, hiding them in places I knew I would find them later. <br><br>"You can't do this."<br><br>"You're not good enough."<br><br>"You're a failure."<br><br>I convinced myself that I was doing these things to better myself, to toughen myself up, but the truth was, I was slowly destroying myself. It was a twisted game of cat and mouse, one that I played alone in my dark bedroom, shrouded in shadows. <br><br>I know that the lying, the stealing, the manipulation...it's not love. I'm cheating on myself. Plain and simple. I no longer trust myself. I'm a stranger. I'm a menace. I'm living a lie. I'm living for the lie.<br><br>I know that I need to break up with myself. To leave myself. But how do you do that? I've never heard of anyone else doing it. I don't know of any support groups for people cheating on themselves. I feel alone and scared and unsure of how to leave.<br><br>***edit: thanks for the support. I needed that. Thanks for the advice. I am going to take it and do something soon. I'm ready to leave myself and be better. Thanks for listening.<br><br>**edit 2: I've set an appointment with a therapist. I've told my therapist about my abuses towards myself. The therapist says to start small. Start by being more kind, by being more thoughtful. Maybe the reason I've been cheating on myself is because I feel like I'm cheating myself anyway. So I'm going to start by changing that. I'm going to be more intentional. I'm going to do things that make me happy. I've decided to be honest with myself. It's a small step, but it's a step. I'm going to make progress. Thanks again for the support.<br><br>***edit 3: I've been going to therapy for a few weeks now. I've been reading a lot about loving myself. I've been doing a lot of self-reflection in the past few weeks. I can finally say that I'm not in love with the person I've been, but I'm in love with the person I'm working on becoming. I'm going to work on loving myself. I deserve it. Thanks again for all the support. It's been helpful and really necessary for where I'm at right now.