I'm drunk as hell and dissapointed

I'm drunk as hell right now and I feel really disappointed and unmotivated. I'm an alcoholic and I'm sober for the bigger part of the day starting from 9pm. I'm drinking since 8am and my sober time was wasted. I feel bad because I was about to stop drinking alcohol completely.<br><br>I can't help myself. I'm 25. I have been drinking since 14.<br><br>Edit: No one is dissapointed as me right now.<br><br>Edit2: I'm sober right now and I feel the most shittiest I've ever felt in my entire life.