i found out i was a groupie for a guy who was involved in cp

long story short, i was following a guy online for years, we were friends for a while before he ghosted me. i remember always trying to get his attention, and then i found out he was a pedophile. i just cant stop thinking about it, it makes me feel disgusted, but it also felt kinda good to know that he was so attracted to me and i feel guilty about it.